A Tensile Strength

 Family Zoom visits became a popular way to offset the isolation of the Pandemic of 2020. Since then, the seven Graham siblings, of whom Jim is the oldest, have continued to gather online. Every other Sunday morning, Terri, who lives in Omaha, sends out a link for about an hour of catching up and connecting on Zoom. Tom signs on from New Jersey, Kath, John, Ken from Texas, Barb from Florida, and Jim from Northern Virginia. Spouses, or outlaws, as Barb's Kevin jokingly coined us, hover over and around. 

I'm one of six, so when I married into the Graham family in 1968, I enjoyed the comfort, security, and fun of being part of another large family. Time around the dinner table was the same for them as for the Langtons. Typically, it was a good time that brimmed with discussion, news, questions, and, most importantly, a chance to tell jokes. Jim was the oldest of his seven siblings, and when we married, all but Jim and Tom were under the age of sixteen. We especially love remembering that Terri was still in diapers at our wedding. The point is, it's been remarkable to have watched them grow from such an early age. After Jim's dad died in the early 80s, his mom bought a house on the lake where we go in the summer, so we've kept those ties and conversations going. 

The idea of a family reunion was a recurring theme in the Zoom calls. We wanted a location where no one had to bear the burden of hosting, preparing beds, shopping, cooking, and entertaining. This spring, after meticulous planning by Joan and Terri, the idea materialized into a cruise with Royal Caribbean. On June 6, we embarked on a journey from Galveston, Texas, sailed across the glistening Gulf of Mexico to Cozumel, and returned on the 10th. It was a fabulous four days of family bonding. 

Cruises are floating resorts offering various activities and amenities day and night. At first, the experience can be overwhelming. After all, these boats are large, and ours housed nearly 4300 cruisers. In a way, though, it's an exercise in differentiation. The task is to enjoy that there's lots to do and no set schedule. You make it your own, and that's precisely what we did. 

 On our initial tour of the ship, one look at the many hundreds of deck chairs surrounding the multiple pools and hot tubs sent us on an urgent search for our quiet hang-out spot, several decks below. From that home base, we could enjoy conversation, fan out for walks around the ship, or venture out to enjoy any of the myriad opportunities.  

Jim and I love good eating and were happy that the cruise food was fresh, delicious, and plentiful. It was fun to randomly run into family members and share tables during breakfast and lunch. Even better was that we all gathered each evening around the same dinner table by a large, beautiful porthole. We caught up with each other's lives and swapped stories about the excitement of our day. Some had made tracks around the deck. Others had shopped on the Promenade; we heard a whisper that John had purchased a ring. We visited the hot dog stand, the ice show, the gym, the hot tub, and all of the above. Heck, Jim even got to teach a yoga class! 

Catching up with family is one of my favorite things to do. I overheard Tom offering gardening advice and caught his report about Kurt building a plane. Kath and Ter caught us up on their teaching and Kath her recent writings and interviews. We welcomed John’s new friend, Lydia, celebrated Barb's victories at tennis and Kevin and John’s relief over their recent moves. We cheered cousin Joanne, who won at the casino and got to brag about Mark, whom we'd watched play a slick game of cards. As usual, Joe and Ken entertained us with their good humor and wry observations while Joan tried to illuminate me on the mysteries of Mahjong. One pair of sisters, who will remain unnamed, reported their dark-night, close-call encounter with the law. Excluding one fateful night of seating snafus, if awards were given, our table would have gotten the one for having the best time. 

Happily, the Graham esprit-de-fête is contagious. My wine pour might hit the 3-ounce mark if I drink at home. I can’t find the word I want for the phenomenon, but chameleon-like, I adopted the customs and practices of cruise culture around alcohol and drank more. Starting around 4 in the afternoon. Continuing into the dinner hour. And beyond. 

Thanks to the Grahams, the experience was tons of fun and revelatory. John’s reputation as a karaoke champ precedes him, but I had no idea that the others are musical savants. One night, Ken, Mark, and Terri dazzled us by identifying songs with near-perfect accuracy after hearing only a few opening chords. What's more, on two occasions after hours, a bunch of us gathered around a piano at the Schooner Bar for musical tributes. During these evenings, I discovered that these same aforementioned musical talents know every word of every song ever performed by Billy Joel and Elton John. Plus, Ken, Barb, Mark, and Terri have cool dance moves and don't hold back! At one point in my life, I might have thought I was a musical enthusiast. I now stand chastened. My younger relatives have radically altered my understanding of what constitutes fandom.

On the morning of the last full day, while most of the ship was still asleep, the whole family gathered in an empty bar to connect once more and remember life spent with those who had passed away. Kath set a prayerful tone, and Terri reminded us of Fred Rogers's encouragement to honor those who have loved us into being. We all spoke wholeheartedly of grandparents, uncles and aunts, parents, and especially Jeanne, whose death at 57 stings and still seems so untimely—our love for her parallels our love for each other.  

These shared memories and experiences have a tensile strength - woven with a quality of love that brought this crew together many years ago and remains the flavor of our rich and memorable trip. It’s true and wonderful. When families get it right, people feel valued and have fun despite life's inevitable ups and downs. Following the cruise, Terri captured a sentiment for all of us when she commented wholeheartedly that she couldn’t wait to continue our ongoing life conversations. 

Woven with a quality of love