Wannaskan Almanac

Sven & Ula: Town Hall Meeting         Last week Sven let the cat out of Ula's bag when he told Erin, Ula's then-wife of 2.9 plus years, (who has since left him and went back to the Emerald Isle where there are no skunks, especially the two-legged variety of which she considered Ula to be one) that they had skunks living under their porch. Faced with the problem of skunk elimination, Ula asks Sven to meet him at the town hall for a bit of lunch.     “You know dere’s a trick to skunk trappin’ so they don’t stink da place up, Ula,” Sven said. “Me ma an’ her brudder Ray used to trap ‘em for dere fur she told me. I don’t know if dey vacked ‘em in dere head vit a bat or smoked ‘em out, den sic’d da dog after ‘em, but you tink dey’d stink all da same, eh?”     “Yah Sven, dere’s a vay to do it alright, but it yust isn’t et’ical in me mind,” Ula said over coffee at the Vannaska Town Hall. “I’m an educated man, you know. I ‘ave more’n an eight’ grade education an’ am looked up

And here is the Wannaskan Almanac for Word-Wednesday, April 29, 2020, the 18th Wednesday of the year, the 120th day of the year, with 246 days remaining. Nordhem Lunch: Meatball Dinner Earth/Moon Almanac for April 29, 2020 Sunrise: 6:06am; Sunset: 8:36pm; 3 minutes, 11 seconds more daylight today Moonrise: 10:42am; Moonset: 2:20am, waxing crescent Temperature Almanac for April 29, 2020                 Average           Record           Today High             58                   88                  63 Low              34                   15                   37 April 29 Celebrations from National Day Calendar National Peace Rose Day National Shrimp Scampi Day National Zipper Day Denim Day April 29 Word Riddle What homonyms describe the difference between sixteen ounces and a small boy at the piano?* April 29 Pun Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. The Nordly Headline : 2020 State Fair to Be Held Over Zoom April 29 Notabl

It is the 119th day of 2020.  We are in week 17 of 2020.  It may feel like we are in the 1000th week of 2020.  We will make it.  It'll be all right. We are now 40 days into spring. In only 54 days it will be summer. If winter is your thing, You probably find that a bummer. Your birthstone for this day is diamond or crystal.  This means your are probably either 25 or 50.  Or 75 if you go for both. Today is World Day for Safety and Health at Work.  This day is not to be confused with the other 364 days (365 in this leap year) per year where we are to avoid being safe and healthy at work.  Let me highlight a few of those special days for you. April 29 (a whole day away from World Day for Safety and Health at Work) is stand on a chair at work to change a light bulb day. April 31 is confuse your coworker with an invalid calendar day.  This can also be done while standing on a chair. June 17 is mix random chemicals found in a poorly locked closet day.  This is best celebra

This week’s post welcomes the prize-winning poet, Mary Oliver. I’ve chosen her not only because her poetic form is superb, but also because she found, as I do, much of her material from nature on her long walks wherein she was graced with much inspiration. Mountain Lion on East Hill Road, Austerlitz, NY Once, years ago, I saw the mountain cat. She stepped from under a cloud of birch trees and padded along the edge of the field. When she saw that I saw her, instantly flames leaped in her eyes, it was that distasteful to her to be seen. Her wide face was a plate of gold, her black lip curled as though she had come to a terrible place in the long movie, her shoulders shook like water, her tail swung at the grass as she turned back under the trees, just leaving me time to guess that she was not a cat at all but a lean and perfect mystery. that perhaps I didn't really see, but simply understood belong here like all other perfect

My personal Deep State is the crew at the highway department and the gang at the water works and power plant. All praise be unto them.  Jesus told the Good Thief he’d be in Paradise this day. There was no time to discuss the details, such as the mandatory spell in re-education camp.  I love youth because I know one day they’ll be as decrepit as me. If they’re lucky. How high can the ratio of real friends to Facebook friends go, 1:10, 1:1,000, before you start to feel lonely? A friend called me as part of his 12 Step program to apologize for the bad things he had said about me.  “What did you say,” I asked.  “I’d rather not repeat it,” he said.  “I insist.” “Ok. I told people you were white trash.” When hung over, he climbs on the wagon and signs up for the pledge.  He knows he is better when off fall the wheels from that rickety sledge. Chairman Joe

Hello and welcome to another Saturday here at the Wannaskan Almanac. Today is April 25th and we're going to rake leaves. So, did anyone else’s kids have Cs and Fs on their midterm report cards? Or better yet a dash (-) signifying no grade exists? We're five weeks into distance learning and here's what I've figured out: If you’re a highly motivated, disciplined person with good time management skills, you’re probably doing fine. If you’re a “perfect is good, but done is better” type who is motivated by the free time that comes from hurrying up to finish the homework so you can play the rest of the day, your grades may be a little lower than average, but overall, you’re also probably doing fine. (Or good enough.) If you’re a procrastinator who sleeps until noon, dings around until evening then rushes to catch up to get that homework in by 11:59 pm – well, how can  I put this? You’re screwed in a pickle. We have all three types at our house. So this has been a somewh

The Circumnavigators The Portuguese Magellan was the first to circumnavigate the world back in 1588.  Magellan himself was killed in the Philippines, but his ship Victoria limped back to port with a crew of 18. Victoria and her crew were the remnant of the fleet of five ships and 270 sailors that had started the trip three years earlier. The first solo circumnavigation was not completed until over three hundred years later. It also took three years.  On this day in 1895, Joshua Slocum left Boston Harbor with the intention of sailing around the world. He was alone. The Spray Slocum's vessel was a 36 '   gaff-rigged sloop.  Spray had spent her working life as an oyster boat on Chesapeake Bay. In 1885, she was hauled ashore in Fairhaven, Massachusetts. After seven years of slowly rotting in a meadow, the hulk was given to Slocum by a friend who didn't know what else to do with it. The neighbors were starting to make fun of him. Working mostly alone,

                    Sven & Ula: Not To Be Believed “Looks like you got yourself some skunks diggin’ ‘ere, Ula,” Sven said, spying the many divot-like holes off the corner of Ula’s porch near the basswood tree. “No Sven, you’re mistaken. Dose holes are made by Tamiasciurus hudsonicus, da red squirrel as da locals call dem,” Ula replied authoritatively as he is Wannaska Township’s official squirrel trapper. “Not skunks.” Tamiasciurus hudsonicus, da red squirrel “Uh, I beg to differ Ula. I vas over to da 2nd Palmville Pub da udder day an’ Festus dere showed me vat skunk ‘oles look like--an’ make no mistake, dey look yust like dis,“ Sven said, peering up at Ula on the porch.“Look at all dese! You’ve got a ton of dem! Must be a whole family of skunks ‘ereabouts, an’ probably livin’ right ‘ere under your porch.” “You look more intelligent den you actually are Sven,” Ula snorted. “Even Festus Marvinson vud agree vit me dat dese are made by red squirrels burying dere nuts an’ seed