Kim's 10 Kooky Quarantine Coping Strategies

Hello and welcome to the second Saturday of the official #stayhomeMN order. Today is April 4, or for you number folks, 4-4-2020. (2+0+2+0 = 4 so, in a skewed way, it could be 4-4-4.)

This week, my friend, Susan Kuz, a Positive Psychology practitioner based in Winnipeg, sent me a draft of a blog post she's writing that offers strategies for de-stressing while everyone shelters in place. After living with the kids in close quarters with no extra-curricular activities on anyone’s part to give us some breathing room, I decided to share my own tried-and-true coping strategies we've cultivated in the last few weeks.

The hardest part about staying home hasn't been having the kids around; it’s been trying to maintain what was once my normal work routine. I’m on Week 3 of this stay-at-home stuff, so I’m happy to report I’ve graduated from the grief stage, in which I was liable to burst into tears approximately once every three days, to the acceptance stage in which I understand that I will only get ONE (1) work-related task done in a day. Lowering the bar – and, folks, I don’t mean “lower” wink-wink, I mean drop that bar of expectations on the ground and then lift it one millimeter by millimeter until you land in a range of reasonable that is not going to make you keel over and count the seconds until Cheese & Wine Hour, because, listen, we’re in this for a very long time – will free up your emotional and mental energy to show up each day in your home.

The first set of strategies falls into the camp I call: Embrace the Crazy

These tips align with the maxim: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. 

1. Dress Up – Start the day strong with a good look. A step up from “get dressed”, this stay-at-home parent trick is a mood lifter that will help you jump start your day. You’ll also spare your co-workers a glimpse of your Superman (or Woman) Underoos when you stand up after the Zoom meeting is finished, but the camera’s still rolling. 

2. Play “Office” – The kitchen table becomes mommy’s new office. Only the people who have “work” to do can come to the “office.” If you come to the office you get to drink “coffee” (recipe: a splash of coffee in a cup of milk with a sweetener of your choice.) You can dress up and wear a string of pearls, or a hat. Everyone looks terribly important and serious while they “work.” It’s very quiet, with an occasional cheer when someone finishes another task for “work.”

3. Say YES to the Mess – If you have a really clean house, could it be because your kids are plugged in 24/7? I heard a writer say this week, "Constraints create creativity." If you want your kids to get creative, you have to TURN OFF THE TV. And the computer and the tablet and the smartphone. 

Here’s how the mess goes: The child zombies will awaken from their screen stupor startled, grumbling, and cranky. They may even lunge and lurch. They will bicker with each other. They will throw things at each other and they may even land a few punches, which will send one kid scrambling down the hall, the other in hot pursuit, an arm cocked ready to pitch a Lego that will probably hit the door (of YOUR house) instead of the intended target. There will be more yelling and then a few tears. ONLY AFTER ALL THIS does something magical happen.

The zombies transform back to their human selves. The house quiets. The next thing you know, kids are building forts and pretending they’re Minecraft, um, princesses, who have to beat the Enderdragon on their own planet Antonopia. They pull out Legos of all shapes and sizes and construct outer chambers to their forts. They will borrow from your computer paper stash to make signs for their kingdom. Blankets will be strewn hither and yon, covering their kingdom. Yes, the living room will be an absolute disaster, but your children will be human. They may even want to bake cookies.

4. Reinvent “Device” – The Toddler came to me with big crocodile tears, wailing, “Everyone’s on a device but me!” I solved that problem quick – not by throwing him in front of the TV – but by introducing him to all the “new” devices we had in our house. I pulled out the vacuum and said, “Check out THIS device. Super FUN!” He had a blast running it around my office. After that, I unveiled my ancient knitter’s secret to maintaining healthy yarn: the ball winder. The Toddler and I wound ball after ball of my disheveled stash (which happily got organized at the same time!) He even adapted a new technique of running the yarn over his year to hold the necessary tension when winding. Clever! Other devices in the house that we’ve pulled out include the hand mixer and the sewing machine. The Second Grader made her own device – a paper “cellphone” that she uses for texting while she’s at college studying pronouns.

5. Kitchen Karaoke – Bust a move, get on your groove –whatever your jam – if you've been playing "office", the kitchen’s where the party’s at anyway. Nothing shakes off crabby like a good song. At this point, it doesn’t matter what genre or whose tunes are playing, grab that Swiffer, pass out the wooden spoons, and lead the kids in chorus. Throw in some theatrics and a few old school dance moves and you’ve just upgraded to a dance party. Need some inspiration? Good news! Andrew Lloyd Webber will be making all of his musicals available for FREE online!

The second set of strategies fall into a more dire camp I call: Screw It

My mother doesn’t like when I use such vulgar language in public, but in this instance, I say desperate times call for desperate words.

These coping strategies are for those moments when you feel like you’ve been spinning your wheels, you’re ready to tear out your hair while the kids are hanging off the chandelier and the banisters like Pippi Longstocking or the Von Trapps in The Sound of Music, and your patience have packed up and said, "Sayonara."

6. Cheese & Wine Hour –Monday through Friday, at 4:00 p.m., I pull out a fancy plate and serve cheese, crackers, some fruit, maybe some vegetables and hummus, and juice or lemonade. (Hello, did you really think I would serve wine to minors?!) There’s a two glass limit and everyone shows up. Cheese & Wine Hour is the icing that holds our gingerbread house together.

7. Cook Something Fabulous – I have cooked so much our pantry is actually getting bare. But, goodness, how cooking or baking something fabulous has lent great comfort and support to my need for some productivity. We all gotta eat, but I learned that cooking something fabulous replaces bitterness with delight and transforms the mundane into an experience.

My hot tip for the week is a Light Chocolate Bundt Cake from The America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook. I'm serious, people, this chocolate cake will completely redefine all future chocolate cake experiences. Include the kids and you can tell their teacher that you worked on math, reading, and fine motor skills. (Note: Leave me a comment if you would like the recipe!)

8. Let Your Inner Marie Kondo Out – If you’ve had an atrociously futile day of spinning your wheels and you’re feeling the nag to work on something that’s not “work” – GO DO IT. For me, for every “Screw it” reaction, there’s been an equal and opposite reaction which has included cleaning out my office, my files, my cupboards, my bedroom, the laundry room, my crafty stash, the kids’ closet, mending socks, and, of course, cooking or baking something fabulous (see above.) Give in to the impulse. Really. Just do it. Get added “powerful feelings” bonus points if you dress up for this impromptu spurt of totally non-work related activity.

9. Paint Already – So, you've always wanted to learn how to paint, or knit, or do something artsy, but never felt like you had the time. Well, guess what? You've got time.

Do Homework – Gosh, I was hoping to get out of this one, but, honestly, sitting with the kids - the little ones especially - and getting involved with their homework has been one of my happiest "Screw It" strategies. I’m not getting work done anyway, so why not spend it with my children, who are all around, at the ready to enjoy my love, affection and, most importantly, attention, anytime I feel like I have time to give it to them. The Second Grader is not a fan of learning. She would watch cat videos all day if I let her. (And, believe me, another of my "Screw It" strategies is to just let her.) I figured out this past week that getting both of my little people to do homework at the same time is like herding cats. And boy, do they yowl, too. I’ve stuck with it, though, and by Thursday, instead of screaming, the second grader was actually cuddling up to me and holding my hand as I supervised her distance learning lessons.

So, there you have it, folks. Embrace the crazy and if/when it gets to be too much, just screw it. You can always begin again tomorrow.

Stay safe, stay healthy!

On This Day

Historic Highlights (credits)

1979 - Zulfikar Ali Bhutto is executed
The former President of Pakistan had been deposed by a coup d'etat. He was hanged despite international calls to stop the execution.

1975 - Bill Gates and Paul Allen establish Microsoft
Microsoft has developed into a multinational corporation, and it is the world's largest software maker by revenue.

1969 - Denton Cooley implants the first artificial heart
The machine kept patient Haskell Karp alive for 65 hours. He died before a human heart could become available.

1968 - Martin Luther King Jr. is assassinated
The civil rights activist was killed by James Earl Ray. Ray, a segregationist, received a 99-year prison sentence. He died in jail in 1998.

1949 NATO is formed
12 nations signed the North Atlantic Treaty to establish what is today one of the world's most important military alliances.

Happy Birthday to You!🎶 

1979 - Heath Ledger, Australian actor, director

1979 - Roberto Luongo, Canadian ice hockey player

1952 - Gary Moore, Irish singer-songwriter, guitarist, producer

1928 - Maya Angelou, American author, poet, actress, director

1875 - Pierre Monteux, French conductor

Remembering You

2013 - Roger Ebert, American journalist, critic, screenwriter

1984 - Oleg Antonov, Soviet aircraft designer, founded the Antonov Aircraft Company

1979 - Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, Pakistani politician, 4th President of Pakistan

1968 - Martin Luther King, Jr., American minster, activist, Nobel Prize laureate

1929 - Karl Benz, German engineer, businessman, founded Mercedes-Benz

Dress up! It works! And make it a great Saturday!

Kim