HOW TO STAY POOR (Author Unknown)
1. PRIORITIZE SLEEPING
Never wake up early. Stay in bed as long as possible, stretching and turning until hunger forces you to get up. If there are no bed bugs, why hurry?
2. PRIORITIZE SPENDING
Never plan on investments. Spend money as soon as you get it. When it's gone, try to recall how it disappeared.
3. AVOID SAVING
Don’t save until you have a huge amount of money. How can you save when you earn so little? Those who advise saving don't understand your very important expenses.
4. PRIORITIZE YOUR PRIDE
Avoid activities deemed "uneducated" or "low class" like selling or small businesses. As a graduate, professional, or someone from a well-known family, engaging in such affairs is a huge insult to your standards and status.
5. WAIT FOR MIRACLES
Wait for an angel to deliver a bag full of money for your capital. It’s impossible to start any business without millions. Sure, some businesses began with little capital, but you know success is 100% guaranteed if you start big.
6. COMPLAIN ENDLESSLY
Complain about everything except your own attitude and mindset. Blame your poverty on your parents, the system, the government, and the banks that refused to lend you money. They are all bad and do not want you to get rich.
7. OVERSPEND
Always spend more than you earn. Buy products on credit and keep borrowing from friends and employers to maintain your lifestyle.
8. DRESS TO IMPRESS
Make sure you look rich so others will be intimidated by your presence. Win your secret showing-off competition. Whenever your neighbor buys a new phone, make sure you get a more expensive one.
9. PRIORITIZE CAR
Purchase a car that costs more than three times your annual salary. It’s an essential status symbol. Don’t worry if you don’t have a house or a place to park it. In fact, don’t prioritize buying your own house because you can’t use it to impress people like you can with a car.
10. SPOIL YOUR CHILDREN
Give your children everything they ask for to show your love and prove you’re the best parent. They shouldn’t struggle for anything. It doesn’t matter if they grow up lazy and entitled. What’s important is that you give them the best so they don’t suffer, unlike those cruel parents who, despite their means, choose to let their children struggle.
11. FOCUS ON ENTERTAINMENT
Devote your time, energy, and resources to watching your favorite sports or playing computer games. It doesn’t matter if you’re not productive. What’s important is that you enjoy life to the fullest. A time spent on enjoyment is never wasted.
12. PRIORITIZE VICES
Indulge in your favorite vices. Whether it's smoking, drinking, or gambling, make these your top priorities. Enjoy drinking with friends and embrace the image of being a smoker or gambler. Fully commit to these habits, regardless of their impact on your well-being or finances.
Bonus: Become a writer for the Wannaskan Almanac. Try to cash one of your paychecks...boing!
ReplyDeleteYour reward for being the Tuesday face of the Wannaskan Almanac is priceless.