According to Fordes magazine, none of these events can be proven or unproven. They can only be enjoyed.
1783 — The Continental Congress briefly considers adopting the turkey as the national bird.
A noble idea, truly — nothing says “global superpower” like a bird that drowns in the rain because it looks up too long.
1841 — The first public library west of the Mississippi opens in a one‑room schoolhouse.
This immediately becomes the quietest place in town because nobody wants to admit they can’t read.
 |
| Sign was taken down due to locals thinking it was voodoo |
1889 — A Kansas railway introduces the “luxury caboose,” complete with velvet seats and a tiny chandelier.
Because nothing screams elegance like dangling glassware in a vehicle famous for violently shaking.
1912 — A French artist unveils the world’s first glow‑in‑the‑dark painting.
Critics call it “revolutionary,” mostly because they can finally complain about art even after the lights go out.
1937 — A radio station in Chicago airs the first live traffic report.
Listeners are thrilled to learn that traffic is terrible — a tradition that continues with unwavering accuracy.
 |
| Still better than a trip to the DMV |
1954 — Scientists announce a breakthrough in synthetic rubber.
Which is great, because the world was clearly on the brink of collapse without more bouncy balls.
1961 — NASA tests a prototype space suit that weighs 112 pounds.
Perfect for astronauts who want to experience the thrill of space exploration and back pain simultaneously.
1978 — A toy company debuts a handheld electronic game called “Laser Cricket.”
It sells four units, all to people who misunderstood and thought it involved actual lasers.
 |
| If you thought actual cricket was hard to understand... |
1986 — A record store in New York hosts the first midnight release party for a comedy album.
Fans line up around the block, proving once again that people will do anything except go to bed at a reasonable hour.
1999 — A tech startup launches a website promising “the future of online shopping.”
The site crashes immediately, boldly demonstrating the future of online shopping.
2007 — A mobile carrier unveils a phone with “revolutionary predictive texting.”
It predicts nothing correctly, but confidently — just like the Samsung and iPhone of today.
I'm glad you're keeping track of all this in true Almanac fashion.
ReplyDelete