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   My title today is the Russian word for Hawaii. We all learned in school that Russia once owned Alaska and, in a weak moment, sold it to the U.S. for a pittance in 1867. But back in 1817, Russia made a grab for our 50th state as well.
   It all started in 1815 when a Russian trading ship ran aground on the island of Kauai at the western end of the chain of islands then known as the Sandwich Islands. The ship had come to Kauai from Alaska to trade furs for food. Before the ship could leave the island, she ran aground and had to be abandoned. The ship's captain, an American, made a deal with the local king. The king could have the ship if he would help get the ship's cargo ashore.
   The king provided several hundred men to get everything ashore for shipment to Alaska on a future ship. Hawaii was a vital source of food for the Russian settlements in Alaska. Yes, the Russian mainland was right in Alaska's backyard, but in the early 19th century there was little in Far Eastern Russia besides spruce trees and unhelpful aborigines.  So even though Hawaii was almost three thousand miles away, it was a heck of a lot closer than the long way around to St. Petersburg.
   To make a long story short, the cargo of the wrecked ship disappeared. When the ship's crew got back to Alaska, the governor there was not happy to hear of this loss. Later that year, the governor sent a German doctor named Georg Shäffer to Hawaii to negotiate the return of the missing cargo. Shäffer was to pose as a naturalist and attempt to ingratiate himself with the king. If the king proved sympathetic to a trade treaty with the Russians, Shäffer was to demand the return of the cargo before trade would begin. If not, Shäffer was to threaten military action to force the return of the goods.
   The king was more than sympathetic. But he was far more wily than poor Dr. Shäffer.  Not only would he trade with the Russians, he would also work with the Russian military to take over all the Sandwich Islands, creating a Russian protectorate. The king's real motive was to weaken his great rival, the more powerful king of the big island of Hawaii.
   Shäffer went right to work. He explored Kauai and named a river after himself. He built several European style forts as he awaited the arrival of Russian ships and troops. However, neither the governor of Alaska nor the tsar back in Russia supported Shäffer's scheme.
   Shäffer's biggest enemies were the American merchants who were already a powerful force on the islands and who did not want the Russians interfering. It all came crashing down on this day in 1817. Rather than fall into the hands of the king of Hawaii, Shäffer boarded a ship to China. From there he boarded another ship to Brazil. He somehow got an interview with the future emperess of Brazil who agreed to let him bring German settlers to Brazil. Shäffer returned to Germany and recruited a shipload of settlers for the new world. He failed to mention that any unmarried male settler would be immediately conscripted for a hitch in the Brazilian Army. Typical.
   Shäffer eventually brought over 5,000 Germans to Brazil. He died there in 1836 at the age of fifty-seven. Kauai in time fell under the control of the king of Hawaii. The U.S. annexed the Republic of Hawaii in 1898. After the Shäffer affair, American ships brought food to the Russians in Alaska. Alaska was always a money-loser for Russia, so she ended up selling her stake to the U.S. in 1867. These days, Alaskans’ favorite get-away destination is the good old Sandwich Islands.

It coulda been.