Wannaskan Almanac for Tuesday, July 25, 2023 The Triumphant Return of Fractured History

And finally...more fractured history!  (You can thank me with your wonderful fan mail)

306 AD  Constantine I is proclaimed Roman Emperor by his troops.  The city of Constantinople was named after Constantine.  He often bragged about his great tan.  The Turks decided this was all just made up when they renamed the city "Is tan?  Bull."

Could use some sun, constantly!

864 AD  The Edict of Pistres of Charles the Bald orders defensive measures against the Vikings.  Charles was not happy with their hair or their mascot.  I believe he called for a nickel defense.

Terrible at winning super bowls, but great at growing hair!

1538  AD The City of Guayaquil is founded by the Spanish Conquistador Francisco de Orellana and given the name Muy Noble y Muy Leal Ciudad de Santiago de Guayaquil.  The cost to paint the city sign was deemed to be too expensive, so they renamed it to Dayquil during the sunlight hours and Nyquil when it is dark.  Residents are never worried about having that stuffy head, fever, etc...

1722 AD  The Three Years War begins along the Maine and Massachusetts border.  It would have lasted longer but when you name a war the Three Years War that is how long it has to be.  I believe it is in the Geneva convention.  

1850 AD  Gold discovered in Oregon.  Back then it was just called Ore.  After they removed all the gold they changed it to Ore Gone...or Oregon.  

She gone

1854 Walter Hunt is awarded the first U.S. patent for a paper shirt collar.  He eventually lost the fortune he made from this patent due to lawsuits when people's necks started lighting on fire.  It was a big problem for smokers.

1863 AD Skirmish at Barbee's Crossroads, Virginia.  Ken apparently crossed the road to Barbie's dream house and was caught trying on some of her shoes.  

You can swim in my pool, but not in my shoes!

That's it for now.  When will the next fractured history appear?  Only time will tell!