I thought everything was done and settled when my fiancée Mary dropped her bombshell.
I had my three sons working with me in the shop and my four daughters were all off and married. My first wife Martha had been gone for ten years.
Mary had said she didn’t mind being married to a man twice he age. And then she comes back from a three month visit to her cousin Elizabeth obviously pregnant. I was not overly upset by this development, but I was quite worried about Mary’s safety. Her pregnancy would be considered adultery and the religious fanatics in town were always up for a good stoning.
I was about to send Mary back to Elizabeth’s when I had this amazing dream, or vision I should say. An angel named Gabriel told me I should go ahead and marry Mary. As the time approached for Mary’s delivery, the Romans ordered a census of Palestine be taken. This meant a trip to my ancestral home in Bethlehem.
We were finishing up a job in the shop at the time and got a late start. Of course all the lodging in Bethlehem was full by the time we got to town. One of the innkeepers let us use his stable out back and our child Jesus was born there. Later that night several shepherds showed up saying an angel had told them Jesus was to be the Messiah. Then a couple of days later three kings from Persia arrived with gifts. They said the stars told them Jesus was to rule the world one day.
When we took Jesus to the temple to be circumcised, a couple of holy ones picked out Jesus to venerate. Mary had talked about the angel visiting her earlier. I thought she was just excusing her shame, but she always seemed the opposite of ashamed.
Even King Herod had heard about Jesus being a new king. Gabriel visited me again and ordered us down to Egypt till Herod died. Jesus was a remarkable child. Precocious was the word. He was a natural as a carpenter.
He gave us a scare when he was 12. We had gone with the family to Jerusalem for the annual festival. I was sure he was with my brother’s family when we headed back to Nazareth. Mary thought so too. It wasn’t until the second day that we realized he wasn’t in the caravan.
Three days had passed by the time we got back to Jerusalem. What had he been up to all this time? We imagined the worst. But there he was in the temple holding court with the in-house scholars. When we asked how he could do this to us, you know what he said? He said, didn’t you know I had to be about my father’s business. That didn’t hurt my feelings because I knew he meant the Father of us all.
Jesus returned then to Nazareth with us. He and Mary were with me when I died a few years later. It was a good death. Once I got up to heaven, God put me in charge of the department of Happy Deaths.
I never thought I did anything special on earth, but after a few centuries, people began praying to me. I got “Saint” put in front of my name. Jesus’s church made me patron of the Universal Church itself. I’m also patron of North and South America, China, Canada, the Philippines, Vietnam and several other countries. I’m also patron of families, fathers, pregnant women (appropriately enough), explorers, pilgrims, travelers, immigrants, craftsmen, engineers...I am one busy saint. I get help from the Forgotten Saints Society.
Oh, and then there’s the house sellers and buyers. I’m their patron too. I get a kick out of this one. There’s a superstition that if you bury a statue of me upside down in your yard, your house is sure to sell. I mean, if people pray to me about their house, I’m going to help, statue or no statue.
Pope Francis named 2021 the Year of Saint Joseph. It’s a big deal, but I try to remain humble.
God bless.
I was convinced someone had hacked into your blog post composition when I started reading it: "I thought everything was done and settled when my fiancée Mary dropped her bombshell. I had my three sons working with me in the shop and my four daughters were all off and married. My first wife Martha had been gone for ten years..."
ReplyDeleteWHAT? I know you had pulled some shenanigans during your stint in the Philippines, but reading "My fiancée Mary ... and my four daughters were off and married. My first wife Martha... ???" and, "Mary was such a little scamp, but put up with me being an old fuddy-duddy for some reason ..." I couldn't believe my eyes! Immediately, "Really Dad?" came into play until things started to seem vaguely familiar.
Hmmm, 'two shepherds', 'three kings' sounded like a board game we've played at your house a time or two or something ... what was it? So I started to suspicion it was someone who knew you, maybe a brother or nephew for they're all such great storytellers in their own right.
Right up to and past, naming the kid "Hey Soos," I was thinking this is some tale some one came up with. "Hey Soos was a natural carpenter, but really enjoyed commercial fishing, owing to his frequent use of nets, and penchant for wanting to feed multitudes of people. "Hey Ma! Grab some loaves! Don't worry, there's enough . . . Haha, you're such a worrier!"
Ennaways, 'buen post!'
This post swings wide of your usual subjects; however, it is a home run. What a B-day gift for your name-saint. Written with your usual humor, the post tells the familiar story in such a fresh way that I felt like I had never read the New Testament.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the first line, I honestly thought, "Well, there it is. The past of JMc I always knew was there that he never shared with us. But in the second line describing all the offspring, I knew it couldn't be our neighbor with two houses. I mean, I know his machismo and his cojones are well known, but so many sprouts, well, that's what gave it away for sure. The writer, Joseph, proved his virility by siring three sons. Is that not enough? What I appreciated most was the parental tenderness and ordinariness of the story. More than anything else in my 18 years of Catholic education, this story touched me like no other. Who knows where that could lead?