12 August 2019 “Unfamilied”

I’m going to take up my courage and begin, from time to time, sharing poems I wrote nearly ten years ago. This group of poems is loosely collected under the title Brothering. I’ll explain why after the poem. Writing poetry about a painful experience can create a catharsis for the poet; however, it may be too difficult and even unpleasant for others to read. I suppose this poem falls in that category. But you know me. I’m not one to shy away from the difficulties and disappointments that everyone experiences. So here you have it . . .

Unfamilied

                        

                                                            Pater familius

                                                                        neither father, nor well known

                                                                                    unfamilied

                                                                                                unhomed

                                                We two emerged the greener shoots

                                                            sprouted from more fertile seeds

                                                                        rooted firmly, and certain placed

                        

                                                            A promise made

                                                            One man to his son:

                                                                        “I will take you there

                                                                        You have been good and deserve to go”

                                                                        (a journey you would never know)

                                                            because a father’s promise may not be so . . . and so . . .

                                                You waited once, fishing pole in hand

                                                            and net to catch them

                                                Father in full flight to Saskatchewan, though you stood like iron

                                                            a boy of faith – and the man trying not to lie

                                                            you, the only son of his fading line

                                                You waited twice, fishing pole in hand

                                                            net resting on damp ground

                                                a familiar watch, you hoped nothing would go wrong

                                                the man gone and farther gone

                                                            an elsewhere father, a prize not won

                                                You stood a third time absent a farewell

                                                            no pole, no net, a young man now

                                                            with seed of your own to root and grow

                                                                        let him go

                                                                        let him go

                                                Let him go unfamiliar, unfamilied, truly gone

                                                Let him gnaw on the un-fathered bones

Background

Yes, you guessed it: this poem is based on personal experience. My only sibling, my brother, Paul, died in July 2010. I suppose like all close relationships, I will never totally integrate this loss. What to do? For me, the most difficult events of my life seem to typically find their way into poetry. So it is here. Paul doesn’t die in this poem; rather, I am recalling a series of repeated incidents in his life – multiple disappointments. 

Our parents, as you have surmised, if you read “Remembering Flight” [part 1 and part 2], were deeply immersed in an aviation business. One part of the business was organizing flights to Canada for gentlemen (no ladies expressed an interest) to practice their fishing skills. I’m sure you can guess the promise that was made to Paul. The rest of the poem speaks for itself.

Exploration 1: If you can bear it, recall a time in your life when a parent, close relative, or friend gravely disappointed you. Does the incident still sting? Is it possible for you to forgive the person?

Exploration 2:  Is it all right for a parent to disappoint a child when the disappointment could have been avoided?

Exploration 3:  Is it acceptable for a poet to use deeply personal subject matter in her work?