Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe 

Volume 1 Number 7 

Man Sends Snowshoes to Rafters

Joe McDonnell, 77 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently put his four pairs of snowshoes up in the garage rafters. "The rafters are the only sensible place to store them," McDonnell tells the press. "You'd think snowshoes would stack nicely, like aluminum pancakes, but they don't. They sprawl all over because of the claw on the bottom. I don't want to badmouth the claw because it's what gets me up hills and stops me from falling on my face when going down hills. Each shoe can have its own spot up in the rafters." The forecast shows more snow coming. "I don't care if it snows a foot," McDonnell says. "My appetite for snowshoeing is satiated for now. Trail reopening TBA."

Man Caught in Furniture Time Warp

Joe McDonnell, 77 and a fit retiree, recently found himself left in the wake of changes in furniture design. "My interior designer recently suggested a change in furniture in the Shêdeau, the guesthouse near the Big House, “McDonnell tells the press. “It's been 15 years since  the original loveseat was installed, she reminds me. It's covered in soft brown leather and looks great, but the seat is sagging and it's gotten hard for guests to extract themselves. We heard about a sale at a gigantic furniture store 250 miles to the south. That would normally be out of our range, but free shipping was available so it was time to hit the road. The store was a maze of steel buildings cascading into each other. We quickly learned that love seats (52"-60" wide) have been superseded by the ‘Chair and a Half’ (average width 35"). The store employee said she could order a loveseat for us at the sale price, but we'd lose out on the free delivery. That was a dealbreaker. A new rug for the media room in the big house is also needed but it’s an odd size and after flipping through several hanging racks, we found nothing suitable. We did find a used rug in an antique shop the next day on the way home and saved a bundle. Our next goal is to find a used love seat at an antique store closer to home."

Squib Cellar

As you have more and more trouble finding the word you want, you’ll want to increase your supply of synonyms. 

Checks and Balances is a game of Rock, Scissors, Paper. But if the scissors shred the paper, then we’ll be between the rock and a hard place.

Original sin was no specific sin. We’d been doing wrong for eons. The apple awakened us to the rule that we must always do good. 

It ends in love

All else is anecdote

During the gay marriage debate an opponent said if gay marriage was allowed, next thing people will want to marry their dogs. That was his logical conclusion. And then what? Our gerbils? Our turtles? Or most outrageously, our God?