onaabani-giizis (March) Thursday 21, 2024 Berserker

Dear Jack Pine Savage,

 You and Woe have no idea what we went through for that snappy anniversary song — but I’ll tell you, now that the anxiety has worn off. Here goes …

The way I remember it (Jackie will have a completely different take on it, guaranteed) she and I were standing in the kitchen two days ago, when she said “About a year ago, (I didn't hear her say JPS) told me their wedding anniversary was coming up, so I'm thinking we should sing them a song. How long have they been married?”

I said, quizzically, thinking she meant it was Chairman Joe's wedding anniversary,“Fifty-one years. They were married in 1973, but I don’t think their anniversary is this month. Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she said. “I have it here on the calendar.” Then she proceeded to look at the calendar immediately to her left. “Yes,” she said, affirmatively, pointing. “It’s March 20th.”

“I don’t think that’s right, somehow…” I said, trying to re-energize my apparently easily confused brain. “Uhhhh."

“YES, IT IS,” she stated plainly. “Why would she (I heard 'he') tell me that if it wasn’t true?”

Well, be it little of me to argue the fact if Chairman Joe had told her their wedding anniversary was March 20. At that point, I wasn’t 100% sure it wasn’t. We had started our two-morning-games ritual; this time the first being cards, so my brain was concentrated on that. I was not eager to get into an argument with her over something not nearly important as a card game in which, for one of us ... winning is everything. 

 

“Don’t dance,” I remember the late Jerry Solom had once advised me, so I hung back.

We played a couple hands of cards before she said, enthusiastically, “Let’s sing it now, and send it this morning to surprise her, so she’ll have it to start her day!”

Although I couldn’t quite picture Chairman Joe's wife getting all tingly over us singing Happy Anniversary to a vague rendition of the William Tell Overture finale, especially when she was likely still in bed, I was determined to see the task through.

Jackie hammered out some rough lyrics, as is her songstress style. I figured I could maybe lip sync well enough that no one would know I was just grunting in appropriate places, but my facial expressions proved that my timing was off, so Jackie insisted I sing too.

The lyrics, in case you missed them were: 

Happy anniversary, 

It’s a wish from her and me,

Happy anniversary!

Fifty-first year An-niv-er-sary!

We did it like three times, trying to get it right; trying to find a better background for our presentation; trying to get me not to laugh; to smooth errant hairs, and get away from the palm tree frond that intruded over Jackie’s head in one take, before we got the video perfect. Then upon her encouragement, I finally I sent it — to Chairman Joe.

"YOU SENT IT TO CHAIRMAN JOE? WHY?? IT’S NOT THEIR ANNIVERSARY! TELL ME YOU DIDN’T SEND IT TO CHAIRMAN JOE!!”

“You told me to, “ I said, suddenly confused to no end

"IT WAS TO GO TO WOE & JACKPINE SAVAGE! OH TELL ME YOU ARE JOKING! YOU DIDN’T REALLY SEND IT TO CHAIRMAN JOE!”

Just about that time I got a confused text from Chairman Joe that I have since deleted from my phone and from my mind.

“I’m confused. It isn’t our wedding anniversary. I will check with the wife, but I think it’s September 17th.”

“Further more,” Chairman Joe may have said. “Woe and JPS haven’t been married fifty-one years by far. But I don’t remember really, how long."

Terror thus prevailed. Jackie was angry that I could do such a thing and I was angry that I could do such a thing. I was totally confounded. I knew from the beginning it wasn’t Chairman Joe and his wife's wedding anniversary; and at the same time, didn’t understand we were celebrating Woe and JPS’s wedding anniversary — and to make things worse, they hadn’t been married fifty-one years or otherwise Woe would’ve been like, sixteen when they got married. So our lyrics were inappropriate and we had to re-record our song. 

Although the final video wasn’t any larger than the other videos we made, when I tried to send it to you my phone said it was too big and would have to be reduced. Resolving that issue by restarting my phone, I then inadvertently sent two of the wrong videos to you by accident wherein by that time I was totally berserk and had to have a time-out.

Returning, after long last, I sent the third video, a correct version of which you seem happy. FYI, I did not throw my phone across the creek or otherwise do it damage. Sanity returned. Jackie won both games.