27 Nov 23 Turkey Laughs at His Demise

The Almanac’s Dark Poet . . . and now for something completely different

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Oh, excuuuse me! 

Brrrup Brrrup-a!

Acid reflux? Opening the throttle of a Harley Davidson? Taking hard ukemi* on a wooden floor with no mats. A very large bullfrog croaking – or is that “Rrrrivt Rrrrivt?”

Whatever your interpretation or guess, you good be correct. Spelling such non-word sounds isn’t easy, but it does have the advantage of getting the spelling right even when it’s not wrong. Ha! For the academic minded, this spelling of a sound has a name: onomatopoeia. Most of you, gentle readers, have been exposed to this literary technique in some English class “back in the day.” 

But back to Brrrup Brrrup-a! We’ll let you chew on that a while . . .. Ooops! Was that a clue? Could be.

Another clue: If you ingested a traditional TG meal, and did it in true fashion, this sound (times two) probably erupted from deep within your hollows and nethers. Ooops again! The nether region sounds are different and come in many flavors. A common one is Fwap Fwaaaapp! Usually, this latecomer picks up her horn in the middle of the night and can last through the next day.

Why Now and Not Last Thursday?

1. You have had time to digest and if you celebrate the traditional meal your onomatopoeia has mostly subsided.
2. So many leftovers.
3. If you aren’t a meat/fowl eater, you have not suffered from indigestion.
4. The leftovers are almost gone.
5. You are eating turkey soup. 

POEMS JOKES & MISCELLANY 

Note to stalwart readers: Read this note before proceeding.  In the holiday mood, the “Poems, Jokes, and Miscellany” that follow are a combination of humor, dark laughs, and selections from the “funnies.” Please enjoy, if you aren’t still napping off that traditional Thursday feast. Why poke fun at “last words”? Death by turkey? One way to finish that huge meal? After dinner entertainment? You name it!

• Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
• 'The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades, especially if your teammates are bad guessers.” —Demetri Martin (comedian)
• “I intend to live forever or die trying.” —Groucho Marx (comedian)
• “Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.” —William Somerset Maugham (author)
• “The art of dying graciously is nowhere advertised in spite of the fact that its market potential is great.” —Milton Mayer (author)
• “At my age, I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there, I carry on as usual.” —Patrick Moore (astronomer)
• “He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.” —HH Munro (author)
• “My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn’t wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post-dated of course.” —Chic Murray (comedian)
• “When I die, I hope to go to heaven, whatever the hell that is.” —Ayn Rand (author)
• “The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time congress meets.” —Will Rogers (actor)