Wannaskan Almanac for Tuesday, October 3, 2023 The Impostor and the Time Capsule

This isn't the real almanac for today.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but the real almanac has been written and stored in a time capsule, only to be released in 1000 years.  You will probably need something to do while you are waiting, so I have written this impostor almanac.  Try and enjoy it.

As I was going to St. Paul

I met a man with paper walls,

Each wall was smitten with seven cracks,

Each crack was lifted by seven jacks,

Each jack had seven eyes of green:

eyes, jacks, cracks walls,

How do you get to Thief River Falls?

That poem makes as much sense as the North West Angle!

You see, a sarcastic writer can destroy even the most sacred of poems.  Like the one above.  And the one below.  

Shall I compare thee to a winter’s day?

Thou, not you, art, not are, more yada yada

Rough winds do shake the frozen limbs of a December day,

And drives indoors by the fire to defrost we gotta.

Sometime too hot the stove does burn,

And fingers get singed or clothing gets melted;

But even then we start to learn,

Or else by our parents we would get belted.

But thy eternal never dull blade,

Shall keep the wood piled by the stove in abundance,

Unless by a wayward nail you get played,

Then we all will wish for an electric appliance.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,

So long as chainsaws can cut a tree, we will burn wood in thee.

What did you expect?  This whole almanac is an impostor!