So you are looking for help on your second plus Valentine's day, huh? Our shopper's guide here at the Wannaskan Almanac will help you move from that "What the @#$%^& were you thinking?" reaction to that special look which will lead to the ultimate intimacy (doing dishes together) that every person desires!
Here is our tried and true quiz. Answer honestly, with no peeking!
1. What are your thoughts on purchasing the following card?
b. I like sleeping on the couch, into the cart!
c. It expresses deeper devotion then I want to exhibit
d. It is one that I should obviously avoid
2. Would you give your true love this pillow?
a. No, she would question me about the girl holding it.
b. Yes, he can't read anyway
c. No, was that pillow edited by the Wannaskan Almanac?
d. Yes, spelling mistakes are great conversation starters
3. Is the following gift appropriate?
a. Abba-cadabra...we will be dancing queens!
b. Sure, I have a record player in my truck
c. No...these have been replaced by 8 tracks
d. Everyone loves reminders of how old they are
The answer, of course, to all three questions is E. The truth is that you will probably end up doing the dishes anyway. By the time anyone reaches their second Valentine's Day they have already lost the excitement of being together. You have moved past the desire to dip your hands into soapy water together and have achieved that special period of your life...tolerance. The best you can hope for at this time is to make it through another Valentine's Day without getting into an argument. My suggestion, turn on a hockey game and rub her feet. She'll be less likely to complain and you'll get your fill of violence. It's a win win.
P.S. I would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day. On advice from counsel I apologize for the above paragraph. 7 years from now I have an itching feeling that my Valentine's blog will be much more appropriate.
ReplyDeleteJust remember, the original Valentine was beheaded by the Roman emperor for preaching love.
It can be a rough day. Have some chocolate.
An Oops-It's-Valentines Day spontaneous pink Post It Note 'Happy Valentine's Day!!' greeting, taped to the bathroom mirror, is way better than a $6 Hallmark Valentines card with a bunch of glitter on it (that she hates more than you, occasionally) that pops up and plays an unrecognizable tune.
ReplyDelete