From Ukraine to UK: A New Life

Hello and welcome to a sunny and cold Saturday here at the Wannaskan Almanac. Today is February 25th, and the rest of Minnesota might care to know that Wannaska got no snow from this past week's blizzard.

On March 5, 2022, I shared a story about a friend who fled wartime Ukraine. Ten days after the Russian invasion of Ukraine, we spoke over Facebook Messenger while she lie, exhausted in every way imaginable, on the sofa in a friend’s apartment in Poland. Despite all she’d endured, her primary emotion was relief. Relief to have gotten her children to safety. Relief to be able to rest without bombs exploding in her sleep. Relief to have been one of the lucky ones.

A year later, again over Facebook Messenger, she recalls that conversation. She remembers that contrast of lying exhausted in the living room while friends chatted and prepared food in the kitchen. She hadn’t known then how far Russia's invasion would go. She hadn’t known to what extent the damage would be or how close to the danger she had been, her own home in a suburb right next to Bucha which days later would be in the international news. No one could have known, I think, as I listen.

Today, Stacy is in England, beginning a new life with her family. Living with an English host family, she experiences a daily quiet that is almost noisy, so unused to the stillness and quiet of the countryside she is. “The host family where we stay - they helped because they invited us into their lives. They invite us for lunches, and for Christmas dinner. I can stop by to have a cup of tea.” The children have enjoyed some horseriding lessons - something they used to do in Ukraine. She met a woman in the village where she lives and they started exercising together, the physical movement keeping her body in the present, a reprieve from her mind and emotions. 

She can breathe. She can focus on beginning again. But it is far from easy. 

“The emotional state is going up and down. I still observe carefully what is happening in Ukraine and every piece of news. The worst part is the number of people who are dying because these are people I know. They were friends of friends. It feels very personal.

Every piece of news - I live it in my body because these are my people. Every morning, I wake up, and I feel nauseous. There’s no reason healthwise; I’m healthy. It’s just too much violence and death. It looks like it’s far away but it’s not because, if I got in my car, it would only be a 30-hour drive to Ukraine. And all the news that I see, I recognize the pictures. I’ve been all over Ukraine. I see the streets - I walked there, I’ve been there - and I recognize the regions, so it feels very, very real to me.”

A large chunk of the feelings she experiences is survivor’s guilt. “Because you have a roof, water, food, heating, you feel like you’re not part of your nation; you’re not living through this with your people.”

As a child who was born in the Soviet Union, she remembers life during Perestroika without electricity and food for weeks. “I just felt like I could not do it with my own children.” And therein lies the guilt - the knowledge that there are Ukrainians who are living this suffering not once in a lifetime, but twice. 

“In Ukraine, there are people who have suffered even more than me. People who fled Donbas in 2014 when Russia invaded. A lot of them actually settled in Bucha. They worked hard to get an apartment in Bucha only to be attacked again by Russia only to lose their apartments again - twice. So my pain is nothing in comparison to their pain.

I realized I needed to calm down and have focus because I have children; I need to take care of them. I understand that I’m their primary caregiver so I need to keep myself healthy. I let myself sleep more. I focus on my breathing. I lie in my bed and breathe and just remind myself that I am alive.”

While she processes the daily news and her survivor’s guilt, she works on creating a new life for her children. Shortly after arriving in England, she got her children enrolled in school. Her older child adapted quickly, enjoying the English language and history. Teachers comment that he adds an element of elevated thinking to the classroom discussions which, of course, makes her feel proud and assuages the guilt; that there are silver linings to be found in the uprooting of their lives. Her younger child, however, with fewer language skills, had a much harder time with the transition.

During the first few weeks, Stacy’s youngest would curl up at her desk and just cry. The teachers were sympathetic and made a plan to let her come to school only three days a week. The school found a Czech woman who spoke a little Russian and would sit with her while she acclimated to her new surroundings. Teachers gave her some responsibilities in the classroom so she would feel included. Now Stacy’s child is doing better. Eventually, a gift came in the form of a text message from a teacher to share that her youngest had finally smiled in class.

A successful career woman in Ukraine - a big fish, so to speak, known for her talents - Stacy has found the search for a new job to be the next greatest challenge. Granted, she lives in a village where there is only one pub, one church, no shops, very few companies in the area, no public transportation, and the nearest sizeable city an hour-long drive away. “There’s nothing to choose from and that’s frustrating.”

But despite going to the job center several times a week for months - and a willingness to take a job anywhere - her resume receives little interest. “The job search is automated. If you don’t tick certain boxes it doesn’t shortlist you. But also, nobody knows my name here. In Ukraine, people knew my name.”

We can’t verify your background. We don’t believe you could possibly have such an impressive resume. We don’t know you, the hiring managers told her repeatedly, albeit in much politer ways.

You’re not one of us.

“It’s like my career in Ukraine stopped existing. In England, I feel devalued.”

It is the conundrum of many foreigners who have the education, experience, and professional skills to make a significant contribution to an organization, yet can’t get hired. It’s a circumstance with which I have some personal experience, although not to the extent Stacy is currently facing.

After all the job seeking, applications, and endless networking, she has had a grand total of three interviews, none of which secured employment. It feels like time is running out. “I have 20 years of experience and I don’t want to just do any job; I want to strategically choose so I can continue my career. But the cost of living is very high in England and homes are expensive.” 

Eventually, somebody recommended her to a University where they offered her short-term employment teaching a course in their master’s program in Human Resources. However, it is only 6 hours a week and the expense that comes with doing the job, namely gas and childcare - reduces her income nominally. “But I took it because I love working and I want to do something.”

“I think every experience is given for a reason. I understand that I will learn from this. I’ve never had a problem finding a job; I always worked. I don’t think I understood how difficult it is for some other people to get a job.” She laughs and adds: “This is the end of the story of my glamorous international life as a successful businesswoman.”

So for now, she focuses on what she can control: her breathing, living a quiet life, and taking care of her children while she figures out the next best move for her family.

From Ukraine to UK, a new life.