Sunday Squibs

 

Justin Trudeau could have saved us a lot of grief by shooting the damn thing down over Canada. 

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The balloon is a mere diversion. It’s TikTok that’s killing us. 

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The astronomers get us out of bed to see some wonder of the night sky by telling us it won’t be back for hundreds of years. But six months from now there’ll be some other unmissable event that must be seen at 3:00 am. 

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Some people would like to know the hour of their death. The rest of us say surprise me. 

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A couple who promises to have no secrets can stay married as long as the word ‘secret’ is not too broadly defined. 

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One day you declare me an angel

The next day you say I’m a bum

Don’t stoop to examine my soul, dear

You’ll end up in spilling the rum

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Columbine, Sandy Hook, Stoneman Douglas, Virginia Tech, Robb Elementary…

If we could only list the schools where no one was killed because the shooter was in jail or elsewhere separated from guns. 

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I have plans to build a airplane to visit God. The plans though are in some foreign lingo and 

I’m stuck assembling the ladder up to the cockpit. 

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An Indian looks at me and sees Jackson and Custer. A black person sees in me Thomas Jefferson and Jefferson Davis. I don’t mind if it gets my fellow Americans interested in history. 

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Take one snack from the box

Next put the box away

An open box is an invite

To diet’ry disarray 

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In Heaven, we’ll give as much thought to this life as we do now to our nine months in the womb. 

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I don’t try to psychoanalyze the crazies in my life. I just hand them a list of local counselors and psychologists, with the disclaimer that I may receive a small commission for any referrals.  

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