Fancy Pants Goes to School

Hello and welcome to just about the best autumn Saturday you could ask for here at the Wannaskan Almanac. Today is September 25th and the last Saturday of the month. Only three months to go and we can call it a wrap on 2021.

Kids are three weeks into the school year. I've been nothing short of amazed that I haven't gotten a quarantine call. I mean, really, with four kids in the public school, the odds are pretty good that one of them, at least, would have to be quarantined. 

But it turns out that, while school districts in other parts of the U.S. navigate mask mandates, vaccine requirements, and staff shortages, it appears that schools up here in Wannaskaland are operating relatively smoothly as if everything is normal. I call it the hear-no-evil-see-no-evil-speak-no-evil protocol.

I get it. Kids have got bigger problems than Covid. Mental health issues are through the roof. "It's so stressful," the Kindergartner, excuse me, First Grader, said this past week. "I'm so stressed."

My daughter's college has had three students commit suicide in three months which has resulted in an extension of her first semester by one week that will be devoted to mental health training and group sessions for the entire student body.

The high schoolers sat their naive mother (me) down over the summer to have a come-to-Jesus talk about all the trials and tribulations to be had in teenagerdom, using a medical vocabulary I didn't even know they possessed. "Mother. You. Have. No. Idea."

Grades suffered. GPAs need to be pulled up and salvaged in time for college and scholarship applications. Community services hours, hard to come by in this last year, are probably being traded on the teen black market. ("Hey, you've already got 400 hours. I'll buy 20 from you for fifty bucks." "Venmo me a hundred and then we'll talk.")

The battle cry of "In-person Learning!!!" looms large, emphasized with fists pushed in the air, cranial vein throbs, beet-swollen cheeks, and bulging, bloodshot eyes. And I'm not making fun or being facetious. Parents are a serious bunch.

And, truthfully, I"ve been enjoying having kids back in school. The head-in-the-sand strategy works! I have my office hours back. I get quiet time. I can skip lunch and no one's rumbling that they're hungry. The kids are (mostly) happy to see me at the end of the day. Dinner is actually getting cooked and served whereas before it just couldn't quite get past the planning stages when we were rounding the final summer bases of August.

On the kids' side, in-person learning has been pretty sweet, too. They enjoy their teachers and their subjects. (I know it's early days, but I'll ride that wave of enthusiasm all the way to the shore.) The Fourth Grader held up a paper, beaming, and said, "I got an A!" She then cut the grade out of the homework and, well, I'm not sure what she did with it, but clearly, it was an important memento to be treasured, so why not.

The WAKWIR* is getting up at five o' clock in the morning to shower and have plenty of time to prepare in the morning, whereas the First Grader sleeps until 7:05 am and is still out the door by 7:18 to get on the bus.

And our new senior - let's call him Senior 2.0 - has a very nice internship all year which means getting a grade and getting paid while getting some hands-on experience in the working world. All during school hours.

So, yeah. Other than the alarming uptick of Covid cases and my insistence that my kids wear masks at school, life is pretty much running on normal.

And then, this past week, the Fourth Grader asked, "Mom, is pole dancing a bad thing?"

The honeymoon days are over, I thought to myself. I swallowed and considered my answer as bikini-clad ladies with oiled thighs slinked athletically around the brass poles of my apparently very dirty mind.

"Probably, honey," I started. "It depends on the context."

She went on to explain that during recess she likes to swing around one of two poles on the playground. She's not getting her sexy on, but rather imagining herself a glorious dancer, graceful as a swan, elegant in her twists and dips as she gives a performance of a lifetime in her mind.

"Where did you hear this word?" I ask.

"I made it up." 

Whew. 

"Let's come up with a better term," I suggest. Eventually, we land on acrobatic dancing and gymnastic performance.

But that's not the whole story.

The real story - the underbelly of all this dancing pole inquiry - has to do with what she called the Fancy Pants girls.

I'll give your brain a moment to conjure up what kind of girl that is.

"So, mom, I was dancing - all by myself, minding my own business, and then the Fancy Pants girls came over and told me to get off because the pole was theirs."

My mind conjured up girls with crossed arms in geese-flying-South formation, the head girl flanked by her beta buddies. Very Mean Girls-esque.

My inner mama bear roared.

But, wait, mama bear. Words matter here.

We roleplayed a few sample responses to help her the next time the girl drama happens. (Because there will always be a next time.)

"But I don't want to hurt their feelings," she whined worriedly.

"And what about your feelings?" Inner Mama Bear snarled. I felt the shudder of anger ripple through my hide and took deep breaths until the sensation passed. "Your feelings matter, too. Are those girls thinking about your feelings? You matter, too."

Then we tested more hypothetical language around problem-solving, that is to say, how all the girls could get their need for pole acrobatic dancing met.

She reported back the next day.

When the geese flew in and demanded the pole she was ready. "There's a pole over there you can use," she said, pointing to the other free pole. (I really need to help her come up with a different word than pole.) Alpha Goose went to the other pole with little fuss, but Beta Goose remained by my girl copying her floaty arm movements.

"Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery?" I offered.

"No, Mom. It was copying."

"Then try again tomorrow. Hold your ground, but be kind. And remember - your feelings matter, too."

I reminded her that she can do hard things. Then, together, we recited a little ditty I came up with this summer to bolster her courage when she's feeling scared. (She means nervous, but we'll tackle that word another day.)

I am strong.

I am brave.

I might be nervous.

But that's okay.

(Repeat as needed.)

On This Day

Historic Highlights (credits)

2008 - China launches Shenzhou spacecraft with 3 astronauts

This was the third human manned space flight mission of China's Space Program.

1992 - NASA launches the Mars Observer

The robotic space probe's main goal was to study Mars. Almost a year later all communications with it were lost.

1977 - Runners run the first Chicago Marathon

One of the world's six major marathons, which include the marathons in Berlin, Boston, London, New York, and Tokyo, the Chicago Marathon was initially called the Mayor Daley Marathon. The first race was won by Rhud Metzner.

1962 - The People's Democratic Republic of Algeria is officially created

Ferhat Abbas was appointed as the President of the Algerian National Assembly, and Ben Bella was seated as the country's new Prime Minister.

1890 - Sequoia National Park is established by the United States Congress

The park, situated in the state of California is famous for its giant sequoia trees.

Happy Birthday to You!🎶 

1969 - Catherine Zeta-Jones, Welsh actress

1952 - Christopher Reeve, American actor

1932 - Glenn Gould, Canadian pianist, composer

1903 - Mark Rothko, Latvian/American painter

1897 - William Faulkner, American author, Nobel Prize laureate

Remembering You

2011 - Wangari Maathai, Kenyan environmentalist, Nobel Prize laureate

2003 - Edward Said, Palestinian/American theoretician

1971 - Hugo Black, American jurist, politician

1929 - Miller Huggins, American baseball player, manager

1066 - Harald Hardrada, Norwegian king

Talk about assertive kindness with your family and make it a great Saturday!

Kim

*Wannaskan Almanac Kid Writer-in-Residence