Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 19

Man Restores Hose Caddy

Joe McDonnell, 79 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently fixed a leak in his hose caddy. "This is the second time I've fixed the same leak," McDonnell tells reporters. "The first time the short hose that connects the hose caddy to the faucet sprang a leak, I cut a short section of an old hose I had picked up somewhere and put a new end on it and hooked it back onto the caddy. I had a bad feeling about this old hose and one year after my repair it started to leak. I cut a piece of hose off a known good hose. Of course I had to put a new end on the hose that had been cut. Later my wife said she was unable to attach the nozzle to this hose. I had put on a female rather than a male end." McDonnell said in a later report that he rectified his mistake that same day. "I need to think through a project step by step to the end," he says. "I'm not a robot."

Man Receives Lesson in Viniculture

Joe McDonnell, 79 and an amateur sommelier, recently had his store of wine lore increased. "We were having supper in a place with a craft beer list three times longer than the wine list," McDonnell tells reporters. "Even the list of fruity vodka drinks was longer. We told the waitress the wine we had been served was not good. When the waitress probed for the reason, I asked her if she was a wine connoisseur, which I realized she might perceive as condescending. She politely replied that she had just returned from a three month course on Italian food and wine in Rome. She took no offense at my question and shared a bit of what she had learned." In a follow-up email, McDonnell said this was a lesson for him on not judging a book by its cover. "We left a nice tip for her upcoming trip to Venice where she is planning to study pasta.

Squib Cellar

Medical science gives dairy products the thumbs up, except for butter.

Butter has no redeeming qualities other than being the most delicious thing in the world.

We must be joyous when our friends are joyous. We must stifle envy, and, just as hard, drum up enthusiasm when their joy is for something we don't give a hoot about.

The best death is experienced before the body dies. 

The people in our dreams are facets of ourselves. The dream begins all jolly and fun but when things go downhill everyone looks to me for a fix. 

Then I wake up

It’s good to have a number of acquaintances ready to be promoted to old friend status as our old friends get promoted to saints. 

My beautiful rugs

Are now a trip hazard 

Nail them all down

Forestall the buzzard 

The lottery player is like a hunter searching for the big bucks

The right fears the left is trying to take away their guns. 

The left thinks the right is trying to take away their weapon - the vote.