Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 11

Man Abandons Hotel Search

Joe McDonnell, 79, and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently gave up trying to find a hotel and returned home instead.  "We recently travelled to a different city to take care of some business," McDonnell tells reporters, "After we took care of our business which was near the airport, we wanted to spend some time  sightseeing in the city. We started looking for a hotel in the city center closer to the sights. After a couple of hours of reading reviews, we we're getting frustrated. A hotel might have eight stars out of ten but according to the reviews every had ten star parts, but also two star parts. At this point we got a call saying we needed to take care of some business back home. Not an emergency, but it was a good excuse to quit looking for a motel and book a flight home." McDonnell thinks they'll get back to this city another time.  "If we don't," he says, "there are lots of other places we haven't seen yet.

Man Has Baking Breakthrough 

Joe McDonnell, 79 and a scientific baker, recently made a loaf of whole wheat bread he was satisfied with. "I used to think store bread that claimed to be whole wheat was just colored with molasses. But the label said 100% whole wheat flour. Research revealed that they used white whole wheat flour which comes from a lighter types of wheat. I bought a bag and used only white whole wheat flour. The result was little heavy but much better than using all regular whole wheat. I cut back to 50% white whole wheat and 50% and this was lighter still but still not good enough. I lengthened the proofing time on the next loaf and it was 'good enough'." As soon as the bread was cool enough to slice, McDonnell gave slices to friends. "I know it's just bread" he says, "but getting it perfect is my holy grail, if a loaf of bread can be pictured as a grail."

Squib Cellar

If I were captain (not president) of America, I’d make this announcement: Ladies and gentleman, we apologize for the turbulence we’re currently experiencing. Traffic control says we’ll be out of it soon. In the meantime, please leave your seatbelts loosely fastened while seated. 

Some lovers are like ships everyone thought were passing in the night. But they berthed up together till sunrise and then went their separate ways. 

The six-pack is designed for easy transport. A fit person can carry one six-pack in each hand and another six-pack under each arm. A fit and sober person that is. 

If there is no Hell, you can go there still

If you want, thanks to free will. 

The Kingdom of Heaven is among us.

Our job, should we choose to accept it, is to cancel as much hell as we can.

Without a spouse a person would be right all the time. But as Saint Paul says about the Law: Before there were laws, we didn't realize we were criminals.

An eclair smooches down when I try to cut it. Teeth make the best knife. 

But then I have to go on and eat the whole thing.