Wannaskan Almanac for Tuesday, April 14, 2026 Coco the Confessor

I have to confess...I have not been rocking or twanging or hip-hopping out to the sounds The Rusty Neon Philharmonic.  It was my week late attempt at playing an April Fool's joke on you readers.  I apologize to the hundreds and thousands of you who went to Spotify looking for their music.  In retrospect, it was a little mean, but isn't that what you have come to expect from Tuesday's almanac posts?

Like Wet Paint signs in the wild, so are the days of The Rusty Neon Philharmonic

Whilst I did enjoy pranking you all, I know that it was now juvenile and uninspired.  Not my words mind you, those came straight from the Wannaskan Almanac emergency stockholders meeting.  Even with all my legal troubles for continuously attempting to prank our readers, I still hold a 1/7th minority stake in the Wannaskan Almanac.  This enables me to spread the vicious lies and conspiracies that I so enjoy with only negligible negativity.  

How about a 1/7 pound steak?

To appease my accusers, I have been told to write only the truth, as far-fetched as it might be, for the next several issues of the Wannaskan Almanac.  I will do my best.  Before I go on, I must ask the question...are parodies truths?  If they are, than what comes next will be pure truth!  That steak above gives me an idea...I mean, we all have to learn to fly sometime...

Learning to Fry

Well, I started out

On the morning shift

Started out adrift

Then the heat went up

As the oil got filled

And the grease trap leaked

And the shake machine spilled

I'm learning to fry

But I ain't got wings

Overcooking is the hardest thing

I'm learning to fry

(Learning to fry)

But I ain't got wings

(Ain't got wings)

Overcooking is the hardest thing

Well, the lunch rush crowd

May not return

And the cheese might melt

And the fries may burn

I’m just scraping off

All the crusty bits

Trying hard not to call

It quits

I'm learning to fry

But I ain't got wings

Overcooking is the hardest thing

I'm learning to fry

(Learning to fry)

But I ain't got wings

(Ain't got wings)

Overcooking is the hardest thing

Well, some say customers beat you down

Send it back, with a frown

So I've started tossing salt on there

I guess I'll stop when the taste is fair

I'm learning to fry

But I ain't got wings

Overcooking is the hardest thing

I'm learning to fry

(Learning to fry)

But I ain't got wings

(Ain't got wings)

Overcooking is the hardest thing

Yeah, I'm learning to fry

(Learning to fry)

Around the grease and the grime

(Learning to fry)

I flip the patties in time

(Learning to fry)

Yeah, the burger is mine

(Learning to fry)

Well, if you wasted time reading all the way down to here I have to say you are like a fully cooked steak...well done!  Let's do this again sometime...say next Tuesday at 12:30 AM?