Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 13

Man Goes To Wrong Restaurant

Joe McDonnell, 79 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, was recently late for lunch because he went to the wrong restaurant with the same name as the right restaurant. "My wife and I were in a big city for a ceremony," he tells the press. "After the ceremony everyone was invited to a luncheon. I heard the name of the restaurant and that it was 12 miles down the freeway. My wife and I sat behind the driver and navigator. I wondered why we stayed in the slow moving suburban traffic and didn't get on the freeway. I caught a glimpse of the navigator's smartphone and could see we were off course. I tried to say something, but they were deep in conversation and trusting their GPS. They only woke up when we pulled up at a defunct chain restaurant with the same name as our target restaurant." McDonnell and his companions eventually arrived at the restaurant about twenty minutes late. "No one seemed to notice our lateness," he says. "They all had their drinks and their appetizers and we caught up with them once we got in our seats."

Man Reunited With Knife After Long Trip

Joe McDonnell, 79 and a knife lover, recently reattached his Swiss Army Knife to his pocket flashlight. "I had to leave my knife home because I'm not allowed to bring it on the plane," he tells reporters. "I suppose I could put the knife in my checked bag, but I worry the bag might get lost. The blade is only an inch and a half long, but it also has a screwdriver, scissors, tweezers, and a toothpick which I've never used. If I don't have the knife in my pocket I feel bereft. The knife has no sentimental value. I could replace it for $10 (used) but it's done so many jobs for me that it feels like an old friend." McDonnell keeps a larger, sharper knife in his car. "I once read about a man who cut the jammed seat belts of a couple before their car caught fire," he says. "I hope that situation never arises for me, but I want to be prepared if it does."

Squib Cellar

Self-deprecation is the art of gently karate chopping our pride to make others laugh. 

People have totem animals such as the bison, the wolf or the eagle to give them strength. I identify best with a pat of butter melting into a piece of toast. 

I used to crawl under the covers with a flashlight and a book. Thanks to progress, the flashlight is now built right into the pages of the book. 

 

When the fog of war clears we can see to bury the dead and clear a place for new children to be born. 

When Old Glory and the Constitution get into a dog fight, both get shredded. 

It's up to we the people to knit them back together.

It's happened before. 

The Big Bang was the ultimate flash-bang device. We're still seeing stars, and the ringing in our ears has not gone away. 

Pilate washed his hands. We must get ours dirty. 

With strangers we keep the wall up. 

With acquaintances we open the gate. 

With friends we explore the wilderness surrounding our private garden.