Wannaskan Almanac for May 24, 2022 Larger than Reality History

Hi, and welcome to another issue of blundering through history with your favorite Tuesday writer.  Let's see...where to begin:

On this day in the year...

1755 Smuggler Louis Mandrin, considered the French Robin Hood, is sentenced to be broken on the wheel. This was a medieval form of torture and execution that breaks the bones of the subject.  This is not to be confused with Juggler Lewis Mandarin, a medieval clown who specialized in juggling oranges.

1775 John Hancock is unanimously elected President of the Continental Congress.  He improperly filled out his election forms by signing his name too big and was never considered for President of the United States.  

A signature that is larger than life

1818 General Andrew Jackson captures Pensacola, Florida.  He tried desperately, but was never able to capture Pepsicola, North Carolina.  Pensacola never really caught on and was discontinued.  

1830 First regular passenger rail service on the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad line, using horse-drawn rail cars, connect Baltimore to Ellicott's Mills.  The cost was only $25...until the owner bought up all 4 railroads and started charging $200 due to his monopoly.

1844 Samuel Morse taps out "What hath God wrought" in the world's first telegraph message.  His immediate response was "God hath wrought assistance in paying of thy student loan debts."

1883 Brooklyn Bridge opened by President Arthur and NY Governor Cleveland.  The bridge has been for sale several times.  Just send me a check and I will make you a part owner.

1884 Anti-Monopoly party & Greenback Party forms People's Party in the USA.  This could be in response to the B&O events 54 years earlier.  

1894 Lowell Observatory, Arizona, first begins observations of Mars with an eighteen-inch telescope.  This leads its builder, Percival Lowell, to conclude there are canals on Mars.  Even to this day eating too many Mars bars can lead to a root canal.

Canals ended up being interstate highways...how disappointing

1930 Amy Johnson becomes the 1st woman to fly solo from England to Australia.  Would have been smarter to fly so high as to avoid tree tops and Andre the Giant's head.  

1992 Indianapolis 500: Al Unser Jr. holds off Scott Goodyear to win by 0.043 seconds, closest finish in Indy history.  On a side note, that is exactly how long the average woman takes to dig up the past on an unsuspecting male.  

That is it fans.  If I failed to offend you, don't worry.  I will try harder next time!