Post: Summer 1994
A wife questioning her husband, suspecting me.
“Who is all going to be there and what kind of ‘Editorial Meeting’ is this going to be?” she asked of her husband, while she looked me in the eyes, scrutinizing my every facial expression and hand gesture for any one of the FBI’s Twelve Signs of Truth Omission:
1.) Darting eyes
2.) Rapid blinking
3.) How long my eyes are closed.
4.) Looking up to the right
5.) Eye shift from left to right.
6.) Looking down to the right.
7.) Eye movement when smiling
8.) Face touching.
9.) Pursed lip actions
10.) Excessive sweating.
11.) Blushing
12.) Head shaking
(All of which are why I’ve learned to always wear sunglasses and an ear bud to such interrogations to counteract suspicion.)
She stepped away from the kitchen counter that she had been leaning against to close the gap between them, and lowered her head to catch hubby’s gaze toward the floor.
Funny how your childhood comes back to a person during times like that, when you find yourself looking into Johnny’s mother’s eyes that somehow say, inexplicably,
“What demented deeds and doings have you infected my son (or husband in this case), with this time, you scum-sucking bottom feeder?”
It’s like I’ve unwittingly affected my friends like that all my life, at least their wives--or their mothers--have thought so. Do I look like someone who would rather drink a few beers around a campfire or someone who would rather sip distilled water and discuss socio-economic stress disorders?
Okay, so I’m both. (You can’t imagine the buzz you can get from three bottles of distilled water.)
A wife questioning her husband, suspecting me.
“Who is all going to be there and what kind of ‘Editorial Meeting’ is this going to be?” she asked of her husband, while she looked me in the eyes, scrutinizing my every facial expression and hand gesture for any one of the FBI’s Twelve Signs of Truth Omission:
1.) Darting eyes
2.) Rapid blinking
3.) How long my eyes are closed.
4.) Looking up to the right
5.) Eye shift from left to right.
6.) Looking down to the right.
7.) Eye movement when smiling
8.) Face touching.
9.) Pursed lip actions
10.) Excessive sweating.
11.) Blushing
12.) Head shaking
(All of which are why I’ve learned to always wear sunglasses and an ear bud to such interrogations to counteract suspicion.)
She stepped away from the kitchen counter that she had been leaning against to close the gap between them, and lowered her head to catch hubby’s gaze toward the floor.
Funny how your childhood comes back to a person during times like that, when you find yourself looking into Johnny’s mother’s eyes that somehow say, inexplicably,
“What demented deeds and doings have you infected my son (or husband in this case), with this time, you scum-sucking bottom feeder?”
It’s like I’ve unwittingly affected my friends like that all my life, at least their wives--or their mothers--have thought so. Do I look like someone who would rather drink a few beers around a campfire or someone who would rather sip distilled water and discuss socio-economic stress disorders?
Okay, so I’m both. (You can’t imagine the buzz you can get from three bottles of distilled water.)
ReplyDeleteHmmm, Summer of '94. Was that the Annual Weiters'/Varmint Hunters' Badlands Convention (now sadly defunct) that was held each year in various badlands of the Dakotas, Saskatchewan, and Nebraska?
I don't recall that it was anything bigger than a road trip beyond Palmville District 44 West, 2.25 miles southwest of the Beito-McDonnell Bridge over the South Fork of the Roseau River, in rural Palmville Township, that could be undertaken without suspicion that an 'Editorial Meeting' would not be as described, but just an excuse to drink to excess--that meaning, 'alcoholic beverages', and not 'Editorial/Church Meeting' coffee with homemade bars served on Reed River Bank napkins.
ReplyDeleteI believe, in my heart, this individual doubted my sincerity once again, and suspicioned I was attempting to lure, in this case, her husband, into a situation of some depravity unnatural to his upbringing as a devoted and responsible husband/father type person; and I am dumbfounded--as I had found myself in my youth, on occasion--that anyone would doubt me at my word, when such antics or behavior are quite opposite my personal adherence. I'm the least-likely subject person to ever be thought of in this manner and object mightily to its oft suggestion that I would lead anyone astray.
Now back then there were heady rumors of such a Varmint Hunters/Lewis & Clark Expedition/Corp of Discovery Re-Enactors Odyssey in its planning stages, but at this point of time of 1994, thoughts like that were mere effluent in someone's imagination; a total impossibility. Real hurdles, like the one described, had to be overcome, or at the very least, skillfully negotiated; this was but one.
Wait a minute:
ReplyDeleteAnnual Weiters' /Varmint Hunters' Badlands Convention?:
Weiters?: "No definitions found for this word. Try searching the web."
Matt Wieters Stats | Baseball-Reference.com
Maria Wieters
I'm in the dark here, C.J. "Weiters" ... what? Every year?
An uncharacteristically brief post for you, WW. Yet, the quality persists. I'm a distilled water drinker myself; however, it's the social conversation, not the beverage, that gives me a buzz.
ReplyDeleteEditor's note: the letters R and E are adjacent on the querty keyboard. This proximity, and a touch of lexdysia or Guinness, would explain "Weiters".
ReplyDelete