Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 17

Man Diagnoses No-go Problem

Joe McDonnell, 79 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently got a friend's lawn mower going. "I was visiting a friend in town," he tells the press, "and as we sipped coffee under the pergola on his patio, I pointed out his riding mower. He said he planned to mow his yard for the first time this year after I left. He asked if I could air up his tires. With the passing years, he's opted to let others tackle such jobs. As I drove the mower to the front of the garage, the engine started losing power and then quit completely. I hoped it was something simple like no gas because I had an upcoming appointment to get to across town. Looking in the gas tank I could see that was exactly what the problem was. My friend brought a gas can and funnel and I was able to continue driving to the compressor. I soon had the tires at their proper inflation." McDonnell reports that he was a few minutes late for his appointment. "Since it was another session of drinking coffee with friends, no one was upset with me," he says.

Man Quiets Annoying Noise

Joe McDonnell, 79 and a victim of misophonia, recently started hearing a light clinking as he walked around. "After examining the contents of my pockets," he tells reporters, "I discovered the noise was coming from the little plastic case that contains two spare hearing aid batteries. The batteries have little tabs that are removed to activate the batteries. The tabs make it difficult to close the slider top of the plastic case. The most recent batteries I bought had a smaller tab which made them easier to get into the case. Unfortunately the batteries now had room to roll around as I walked. I now put a piece of tissue paper in the battery compartment to prevent any movement of the batteries." In a later communication, McDonnell says he appreciates having to solve problems like this. "They keep my brain active," he says.

Squib Cellar

Why does 65 degree outside in May feel so much warmer than 65 inside in December?

My knowledge is to the world’s knowledge as the world' knowledge is to all possible knowledge. 

I'm forced to grade my knowledge on an ever steepening curve.

If shaving is such a pain in the neck, why do so many men do it?

Because it’s even harder to keep a beard looking good. 

I'm wracking my brain for a memory aid to insure I never misspell mnemonic again. 

We can't love others without loving ourselves first

Though stopping at self would be the worst 

We used to conclude our argument by saying “Bottom line…”

Then we moved to “That being said…”

Now, here’s the thing…, we’ll eventually come up with a new way of nailing home our final point. 

I have a photographic memory, I just can’t remember where I put the album.