Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 15

Man Fixes Glitch

Joe McDonnell, 79 and residing in Palmville Twp Minnesota, recently uncluttered his calendar. "For years now I've had a reminder in my phone Reminders app to remind me to take my pills," McDonnell tells the press. "After the recent phone update, the reminder was synched to my calendar. This gave a cluttered look to the little boxes on my calendar and was not helpful. I searched the internet for a way to unscynch reminders to my calendar. The recommended methods all led to dead ends. I finally realized I needed to change my own instructions to the internet. Instead of 'unsynch,' I said 'hide' reminders so the calendar is ignorant of them. I was then told to open the app. Which app? I tried the calendar app. I was told to click on 'Calendar.' at the bottom. There was no word 'Calendar.' but there was a tiny icon than could have been a calendar. Hidden here I found that the words 'Schedule Reminders' had been selected. I deselected it. To test it, I put 'pills' in my Reminders app and told it to repeat daily forever. It did not appear on my calendar." McDonnell reported later that in all the excitement he almost forgot to take his pills. "Missing one day would not have killed me," he says.

 Man Mixes Up Artists

Joe McDonnell, 79 and 'in a relationship', recently confused two artists that he knows. "My wife recently received a bracelet from her sister," McDonnell tells reporters. "I thought my sister-in-law said the bracelet was made by another artist. My sister-in-law has a shop where, among other things, she sells bracelets she makes, so it's strange that I thought she would give my wife a bracelet made by another artist. In my defense, my sister-in-law is known for promoting the work of other artists. I ran into the other artist later that day at the grocery store and a quizzical look appeared on her face when I told her my wife had just received one of her bracelets. I immediately realized my mistake. The other artist said that she had just taken a class in making bracelets from hair." In a follow-up email McDonnell says he now knows what his wife is getting for her birthday. "She's hard to buy for, but I know she doesn't have a bracelet made of hair," he says.

Squib Cellar

We can never presume we’re the cornerstone of some venerable institution. 

We’re more like the scaffolding put up for maintenance or repair. 

The great poet deftly runs the table true

The duffer rips the baize with broken cue. 

Our prayers for the dead at first orient our loved ones to their new surroundings. 

Then they return the favor by guiding us through the dark valley.

Don’t worry Be happy is excellent advice if we can find someone to worry for us 

I have two kinds of books to loan. 

The first you can keep. 

The other kind I want back. 

In fact, let me read it to you now. 

If you’re putting lipstick on a pig, at least get it on the right end of the pig. 

It’s hard to prosecute the devil when the devil has all the slickest advocates.