The year was 1792. Mayonaise had been invented 3 years earlier by British loyalists who had fled to the Canadian province of Manitoba. The objective was to create a product that was valuable both as a lubricant and as a slow poison that would protect the loyalists in the event of an American invasion. These loyalist fled Boston and arrived in Churchill. Apparently the loyalists had misinterpreted a Revolutionary War map and thought they were heading for a tropical paradise. Some say this was due to the fact that they did not understand the Metric system...and who can blame them...seeing as the Metric system hadn't even been invented yet. Back then when you claimed to use the Metric system, you were likely hanged as a spy. But I digress...
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| Churchill: A toe numbing chill town! |
Much like today, true mayonaise is only available from the sea. It was especially abundant around the sprawling, icy metropolis of Churchill. The problem was that it only appeared on Mayday, which back then was celebrated in October. Loyalists soon learned that if it was harvested under a full moon it would retain a slight hint of poison. Knowing that the new American citizens couldn't get enough of sandwiches, especially ones with catsup or mustard on them, and they figured, "Why not kill two birds with one stone..." So the slightly poisonous mayo was bottled up and put aboard a ship (one that strangely resemled a large wooden horse) and was readied to send to America as soon as the ice melted.
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| Actual photo from 1793 showing loyalists harvesting wild mayonaise |
The rest of the mayo, the non-poisonous batch, was used to trade with the Eskimos. For years this lucrative trade enabled the loyalists to obtain season tickets to their favorite CFL games. This stopped shortly after the Eskimos changed their name to the Edmonton Elks. Elks have no need for lubricants or sandwich toppers. But I digress...
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| Canada...unafraid of offending their large elk population |
Back to 1793 we go (I am unsure of what the Metric equivalent of that date is). The loyalists finally were able to launch their ship full of mayo on May the 5. To celebrate the big day, the loyalists fired rocket launchers but failed to calculate how many kilometers the ship had traveled. Their celebration was cut short as one rocket crushed through the side of the ship, leaving a big hole where thousands of jars of mayo were rolling out while thousands of gallons...er...I mean liters...litres...of water poured in. The ship sank on that first Cinco De Mayo, and as PH would say...and now you know the rest of the story.
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