Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 16

Man Tames Cowlick

Joe McDonnell, and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently discovered a new grooming trick. "I've had an unruly cowlick since youth," McDonnell tells the press. "My solution was to put a wet towel on my head for ten minutes before going out in public. My wife said this gave me helmet hair. She said I should use conditioner which I tried off and on over the years without results. Just the other day I read the label and it said leave the conditioner in my hair 'as desired' before rinsing. I tried not rinsing the cowlick area at all. Next morning my wife said, 'What did you do to your hair? It looks perfect!' I told her I had read the instructions." McDonnell reports he now leaves a spray bottle of water and a bottle of conditioner in the bathroom closest to the front door for use before going out. "I just have to remember to look in the mirror first," he says.

Man Arrives Early For Meeting

Joe McDonnell, 79 and someone who likes to be punctual, recently came to a meeting on the wrong day. "I got to the meeting a few minutes early because I knew everyone else would be early," McDonnell tells reporters. "If we started the meeting right away I could get to my next meeting on time. The meeting is in the leader's apartment building and she always props the locked security door open so we can get in, but the door was shut. I could see the top part of the meeting room up a flight of stairs. I knocked on the door and rattled the handle. I pictured the members drinking coffee and chatting as usual. I couldn't call the leader because I had taken my wife's phone to use a gas coupon on her phone and the leader isn't in my wife’s contacts. My wife didn't answer my phone when I called it. There was a resident directory in the entry but I couldn't remember the leader's new married name. After a couple of guesses I got the leader's apartment. She apologized for me being a week early and I convinced her it wasn't her fault." In a follow-up email McDonnell says he was the first one at his next meeting. "I've started sending myself reminders to check my calendar before I go anywhere," he says.

Squib Cellar

The arena of life seems infinitely large, till we get down to the tapering bowl of the hourglass of life and our circumference begins to shrink. 

There are no Sundays in Heaven

Eat lots of oatmeal

Clean out those LDLs

The oats scrape out blood vessels 

With their sharp little hulls

What is man that thou art mindful 

of him? asks the psalmist -

Because we come up with things

Even by God unbeholt

Eliciting now a chuckle 

Now a thunderbolt 

How can we think ourselves superior to anything when a humble bacterium came up with the greatest innovation of all time - DNA.

The stigmatist

Gets his fix

Contemplating

A crucifix

It’s now passé 

Which once was hot

Hold on tight 

To what you've got