The Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 47

Man Solves Dashboard Mystery

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently deciphered a puzzling icon on his vehicle's dashboard. "We've been driving this vehicle for four years and we're still making discoveries," McDonnell tells the press. "The heat and 

A/C vent icons always troubled me. Little white arrows show where the air is going when you push the mode button: All Defrost,  Defrost/Floor mix, all Mid-level, Mid-level/Floor mix, and finally, all Floor. But when it was on Mid-level/Floor mix I had to push the button twice. I'm an unpaid efficiency expert and I resented this unnecessary step. As cold weather set in this year and I was adjusting the vent settings more frequently, I noticed a subtle difference in the two Mid-level/Floor mix to all Floor settings. The little arrows indicated to the careful observer that the first setting sent most of the heat to the Mid-level and less to the floor, while the second divided the heat 50-50. I may shouted  'Eureka!'" McDonnell was asked what his jwife said about his discovery. "She said the same thing that Galileo's wife said when he told her about dropping different-sized cannonballs off the Tower of Pisa: 'What's the big deal?'"

Man 0-Tank Liner 1

Joe McDonnell, 78 and an amateur DIYer, recent had an epic fail while installing a liner inside his new (last summer) toilet. "If a toilet does not come with a pre-installed liner to prevent condensation and dripping during warm weather, then one solution is to put bath-towels under the toilet. A more aesthetic solution is to install a liner kit to prevent condensation all together. I bought a kit online and spent an afternoon cutting and sticking thin flexible sheets onto the interior walls of the toilet. The bottom was tricky because I needed to go around the bases of the toilet hardware. I cut out paper templates to help with sizing the bottom pieces. That was kind of fun. Care was needed to not put the pieces in the wrong place because the liner back was extremely sticky. Of course I had throughly dried the toilet first, even leaving a 100W light bulb inside the tank overnight. I waited another night before refilling the tank. Within minutes the edges of the sheets were curling up, and in an hour all the sheets were loose, yet they remained extremely sticky. I planned to write a scathing review, but in church that morning, St. James' epistle said, "Do not complain about one another. Behold, the Judge is standing before the gates." I wonder if the Chinese workers at the liner kit factory have ever heard of Purgatory."

Squib Cellar

At every moment, the Church is trying to reverse engineer its way back to Jesus. 

Sometimes it does well, sometimes it scorches the manger. 

I fantasize about time traveling into the past to set things right:

-Hide Lee Harvey's bullets.

-Get young Adolph into  psychoanalysis.

-Or, nip all our troubles in the bud by knocking the apple out of Eve's hand.

When AI acquires consciousness, who will defend its rights?

Here's a new legal field for lawyers who've been displaced by AI.

Philosophers speculate. Then theologians take the speculations that make sense and build cathedrals with them. 

The psalms of praise in the Bible sound over the top. But really, they’ve just reached the base camp. 

To insure his Peace Prize, the president should intervene in the war in South Sudan in case Gaza goes south.