Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 46

Man Cracks Irish Soda Bread Code

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently discovered the secret for authentic Irish soda bread. "When I first started making bread after college, I made a loaf using only whole wheat flour," McDonnell tells the press. "It was like a brick. My Irish grandmother however, had  a slice and said it was very good. I realized later I had inadvertently given her something like the bread of her childhood. Over the years I went on to make more pleasing, excuse my language, bastardizations of the traditional Irish soda bread. I used raisins, sugar, butter, and lots of white flour. Searching for a traditional recipe, I found one that called for wheat bran. A footnote said the sharp edged bran cuts the gluten strands. Gluten can make a soda bead tough. My results were still unsatisfactory, but I can build on the clue about bran." In a later communication, McDonnell says he is now the age his grandmother was when she ate his long ago attempt. "I'm digging for my roots," he says.

Man Solves Slowblower No-Go Problem

Joe McDonnell, 78 and an amateur logician, recently figured out why his snowblower wouldn't start. "The weatherman was calling for the first real snow of the season so I decided to fire up the snowblower to make sure it was ready. It always starts easily but there are several steps in the start process and I hadn't used the snowblower since last winter. It would not start for me so I reviewed the steps. Fuel: check. Fuel on/off valve: check. Key on/off switch: check. Choke start/run switch: on. As the electric starter spun the engine I smelled gas. Time to check for spark. I dug out tools and removed the spark plug which is located in a deep recess. With the plug electrode visible I turned the engine over: no spark. I reviewed all my steps then noticed the key on/off switch was not turned to the little moving piston icon. With the plug reinstalled and the switch switched correctly, the engine roared to life." In a follow-up email, McDonnell says he's put a list in his phone of all the steps to start his snowblower. "The storm went south of us after all,"  he says, "but I'm ready for the next one."

Squib Cellar

A good homily after the gospel is nice, but it’s just the whipped cream on top of the sundae. 

Checks and balances are put in place to prevent a country from falling into tyranny. But things get out of balance when too many of the checks are on one side. 

My stream of consciousness, fascinating as it is to me, is not suitable for publication. Too boring; though James Joyce could have made something of it. 

I can only use big words with the tiny percentage of the population who know the words’ meanings. And even they may think me a showoff. 

 Non-racists pride themselves on seeing the Other as Us. Their ultimate challenge is seeing racists as Us too. 

When the prophets all have left, 

you’ll know the end is near.