Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 48

Man Finds Tradesman

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, was recently able to persuade a plumber to come to his home to do a minor repair. "Tradesmen are always busy building houses or replacing whole-house  electrical  and plumbing systems" McDonnell tells the press, "and understandably don't want to be running off for small jobs. My toilet was leaking at the base. Thirty years ago I would have tackled the job myself. I now have enough money to pay whatever a pro wants. The first guy on my list did not return my two voicemails. I called his emergency furnace-not-working number and he said he was too busy. The second guy said he could come sometime next Tuesday. I cleared my calendar. I thought the problem was with the wax seal between the toilet and the floor. The plumber diagnosed it as the seal between the toilet and the tank. He had an assortment of seals in his truck and an hour later he was on his way back to the big job in town." When McDonnell got the bill, he said, "Worth every penny!"

Man Gets Ingredients Lesson

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a self-taught baker, recently learned some valuable baking hacks. "I take a recipe as a suggestion," McDonnell tells reporters. "My wife and I have recently mastered cinnamon apple rolls, but I wondered if some of the steps were overly fussy. When all the ingredients for the dough are being mixed in the stand mixer, you drop in chunks of butter one by one. It takes a long time for the butter to get incorporated, so this time I melted the butter. Afterwards my wife said she had read that that's a bad idea. Indeed, the dough when done being mixed was full of crevasses and not a smooth ball like normal. I left the dough to rise and crossed my fingers. We were to serve the rolls at a brunch the next morning. An hour later I noticed a bowl with two beaten eggs on the counter. I put the dough back in the mixer and poured in the eggs as my wife watched. I finally got the ball to look normal by slowly adding a half cup of flour. After the proofing period, my wife rolled out the dough and added the filling, then we baked the rolls. They looked normal. We served them at brunch next day, but didn't have any ourselves. The following morning my wife said, 'These aren't sweet at all'. She thought back and said, 'I forgot the brown sugar!'" In a follow up email McDonnell said the rolls are great when fried in butter and sprinkled with sugar. "Waste not, want not," he added.

Squib Cellar

I proclaim myself servant of the Lord, then pop off to the wine cellar and can’t be found when needed. 

I thought I was wearing my best pair of longjohns, but when I put on my spare pair I realized that they were actually my best pair.

Life is beautiful.

Saint Francis saw the world as alive. 

He personalized the cold as Brother Cold. 

In Minnesota we have Evil Stepmother Windchill. 

Be a foodie of your own cooking. 

You’ll get the best table in the house. 

You’ll get a generous pour of your favorite beverage. 

Aaaand… you get to keep all the tips. 

The great thing about retirement is that you can choose your priorities. 

If you value lying in bed all day, go for it!

When I hear something was twenty years ago, I never think how quickly that went, but rather, how much of it I’ve forgotten 

Speaking truth to power is noble and good but that alone won’t save you from ending up like John the Baptist.