Hello and welcome to a grad-parties-all-day Saturday here at the Wannasakan Almanac. Today is May 27th. Congratulations to the Warroad High School Class of 2023 and to all of our graduates across Wannaskaland!
Today's blog post is another submission from the All Roads Lead to Wannaska Writing Contest-Opportunity-Celebration!
by Carol Cafferty
Home. I never really thought too much about my sense of home until it was gone. It was when my mom passed away in 1993 that I lost my sense of home. I felt lost and without an anchor. My mom had been the anchor of the family. I didn’t know what to do or where to go to get that feeling back. I wasn’t sure I would ever have that sense again. I just knew that Madison, Wisconsin where I had grown up and spent the majority of my life up until then no longer felt like home.
I was a mama’s girl, so was absolutely devastated when my mom passed away at a relatively young age because of cancer. I always thought I would have time for an adult relationship with her and be able to pay her back for all that she had given me and my siblings. How do you pay someone back for providing a sense of home, security, and unconditional love? Once she was gone, would I ever have that feeling again?
After she died, I did the only thing I knew and that was to keep living. Get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, and sleep. I didn’t do much socializing in those days. I made sure to walk outside every day because that always made me feel better. Most of my friends my own age, couldn’t relate to what I was going through. They were too young to have lost a parent. Fortunately for me, I had a friend about 15 years older who knew about loss and listened patiently.
After a couple years, I started to feel more like my old self. I started thinking about whether I could see myself staying at my job and where I was living. I had taken a job in Illinois after graduating from college and was living in the suburbs of Chicago. I was single and didn’t have any family in the area. I wondered whether I could see myself staying there long-term. I was thinking about changing directions in my career so it didn't seem worth staying for the job. But if not there, where? Where could I make a home? My dad was still in Madison, but all my siblings had moved out of state after they graduated from college. My oldest sister was in Michigan, my brother was in Minnesota, and my two younger sisters were in New Mexico and Colorado.
Minnesota emerged as a place to consider. The Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota was well known for Management Information Systems (MIS), which was the area I was thinking of transitioning into from Engineering. I could get my MBA with an emphasis in MIS and start the next chapter in my career. My brother was married and had a young family, so I could be close to my niece and nephew and be part of their lives as they grew up. Minnesota was also similar to Wisconsin and offered a nature enthusiast like myself many opportunities for outdoor activities. Minnesota seemed to have everything I was looking for, so I started making plans to move.
Being in Minnesota enabled me to spend more time with my brother, sister-in-law and their young family. There were countless dinners, birthdays, holidays and other celebrations. In fact, their home served as a sanctuary when I first moved to Minnesota because I could stay there while looking for an apartment before the MBA program started. I was also included in outings with their family where I could be part of their lives as their kids grew and developed. With two siblings in Minnesota, Minnesota became the new gathering place for our family as other siblings and my Dad would join us for holidays and other celebrations in Minnesota. The sense of home had started to sprout again.
When I finished my MBA, I was able to get a job in the Twin Cities area so I could continue to be close to my brother’s family. So that left finding a permanent place to live. In the suburbs of Chicago, I had to drive everywhere and I knew that was NOT the lifestyle I wanted. From this experience, I knew I wanted to live in Minneapolis because it is walking and biking-friendly with a lot of parks and other amenities close by. Plus, Minneapolis is the city of lakes and Madison is built around lakes also so that was familiar to me. I looked at many places, but there are times when you know a place is right from the moment you walk in! The house I bought in south Minneapolis near the lakes was built in the 1950s and had a similar architecture and layout as the house I grew up in including a bathroom with pink tile and a ceramic floor. I had found my new home!
While working on my MBA, I met Kim, who was working on her undergraduate degree at the University of Minnesota. We connected through a summer study abroad program that we both were participating in, but going to different places. I expressed interest in hosting an exchange student but didn’t think I could because I was single. “Positive Kim” told me that host families come in all shapes and sizes! And once I had my house in Minneapolis, Kim connected me to the AFS volunteers that connect students to families. I hosted two AFS students in my home and was a liaison (like an Aunt) for many other AFS students. The sense of home continued to grow in my house in Minneapolis.
I got to know my neighbors from attending National Night Out block parties. Since I was single with no kids or pets, that eliminated the typical ways neighbors tend to meet. My neighbors love to have pop-up get-togethers outside in someone’s front yard. Since we all know each other, people watch out for one another and help with shoveling or other household chores. As I got to know more neighbors, I felt more comfortable in the house and that sense of home became stronger.
As a child, I had done a lot of biking both for recreation and transportation. I had a dream of one day biking to work. So after being in my home for a few years, I started biking to work on a regular basis and became part of the biking community at work. I met my husband through this biking community at work and we had a lot of good conversations while biking home together across Minneapolis. My husband joined me in the house in 2012 after we got engaged. All my neighbors were anxious to know whether we were going to stay in the house after we got married and we did. The neighbors have all welcomed my husband onto the block and we are part of a truly wonderful community and feel completely at home.
So after many years, I have collected all the pieces of my definition of ‘home’ such as family, friends, community, and love and I have regained that sense of home that I had lost. I have done a lot of reflection on my mom this year since it will be 30 years since she passed this summer. I think she would be happy that I have been able to reestablish that sense of home and that I am a part of a loving community that looks out for one another.
I love a story with a happy ending.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Thank you