Wife Four and Counting

   Before our recent trip to England I read up on British culture and history. Just for fun, I found the test that immigrants have to pass to become British citizens, and I passed it. Meghan Markle flunked it on her first attempt. In my history reading for our trip, I only got as far as Henry VIII. If Henry had not had six wives and had not moved the country out of the Catholic Church and into the Protestant, we wouldn't hear much about him these days.

   "Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived," is the rhyme British schoolchildren learn to keep track of Henry's wives. If a king lacked a son to succeed him, rival claims by other noble families would be made. Indeed, Henry's father came to the throne after the Wars of the Roses, so this Henry was obsessed with having a son. 

 

   Henry's first wife, Catherine of Aragon, produced only a daughter, Mary, so Henry asked the pope to annul the marriage. Popes were usually accommodating to kings, but this pope was under the thumb of Catherine's brother, the King of Spain. Henry was a headstrong man and already had wife number two lined up. In order to get rid of Catherine, he had to dump the whole Catholic Church apparatus and start his own Church of England which he did with the help of his right hand man Thomas Cromwell.

   Anne Boleyn was wife number two. Unfortunately for her, she only produced a daughter, Elizabeth. Henry would have looked silly divorcing her so he and Cromwell trumped up charges of adultery against Anne. Adultery by a queen equaled treason which called for beheading. Wife number three, Jane Seymour was just the thing. She quickly produced a son, Edward, but Jane died in childbirth. 

   Cromwell looked around Germany for a new mate for Henry who would also cement political ties on the Continent. He found another Anne, the sister of the Duke of Cleves. Henry liked a pretty face and demanded a picture. A famous artist was sent to Cleves and the portrait was sent back to Henry for approval. But when Anne of Cleves arrived, she was not as pretty as her portrait. Henry was furious, but he didn't want to upset the duke, so the wedding went ahead, but the marriage was never consummated, according to Henry. 

   As the months passed, Henry checked out wife number five, another Catherine. His marriage to Anne of Cleves was annulled on this day in 1540. Since Anne made no fuss about this, Henry set her up in a nice castle with the title "the King's Beloved Sister." She claimed to be happy with this arrangement and never returned to Germany. Cromwell, for his part in the whole debacle, was beheaded. 

   When Henry married Catherine Howard  (#5) he was 49 and she was 17. He was obese, and jousting injuries from his younger days had probably result in traumatic brain injuries, making him unstable and moody. Young Catherine had a fling or two as was natural, but it was still treason, and she too was beheaded.

  A year or so later Henry married his final wife, his third Catherine. No kids, but no adultery either. This Catherine and Henry got on well. When Henry died four years later, she was free to marry an old boyfriend. She had a daughter, but Catherine died in childbirth. Had medical science been better, Henry might have lived beyond his fifty-five years and had several more wives.

   After Henry's death, his son came to the throne as Edward VI. He was only nine years old. He sickened and died at age 15. Next, Catherine of Aragon's daughter Mary became queen. She tried to return the country to Catholicism. Fortunately for all the people being burned at the stake, her reign only lasted five years. Now it was Elizabeth's turn. Whew! Meanwhile over in America, it was still all Indians and a few Spaniards. It's no wonder we said no to kings. 

What they would look like today: Henry, Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard, and Catherine Parr.