Hi, and I am still here. The millions and millions of readers have spoken, and yet I will still make an attempt at humor here in the Wannaskan Almanac.
Happy New Year everyone! By now you have realized that 2021 is just as bad as 2020. As my kielbasa always say, things could always get wurst. So put on a brave face, hike up your shorts, and just try to make the best of it.
Today in History:
1477 Battle of Nancy, Burgundy vs Switzerland, over 7000 killed including their leader Charles Duke of Burgundy. I can see some King telling his daughter, Nancy, "How would you like me to name a battle after you dear?"
1781 British naval expedition led by Benedict Arnold burns Richmond, Virginia. Ah, good old Benedict Arnold. Nobody liked the man (in America) but everyone loves his eggs.
1930 Mao Zedong writes "A Single Spark Can Start a Prairie Fire" He was obviously a smoker with a real hate of prairie grass.
1949 US President Harry Truman labels his administration the "Fair Deal". This enabled many people to attend county and state fairs at half off on Mondays and Wednesdays.
Now that we have mocked history I will dive into a new cesspool. I have been growing a beard. It is itchy, patchy, and gray (or grey). I look like a wino version of Santa. The longest beard in the world currently is attributed to Sarwan Singh from Canada. His beard was approximately measured to have a length of 8-feet and 2.5-inches. I consider this fake news since everyone knows that Canadians measure things using the metric system. That would make the beard about 43.9 hectares.
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| Sarwan playing Rapunzel at the CN Tower |
This Christmas was a brown one for me. Southwest Kansas was free of snow, and I was unable to make it up north to enjoy the crisp, cool air of Northwest Minnesota. I am sure many walleyes were happy to see that I was not there for my usual free lip piercing services. Oh well, maybe next year.
Well, I am glad that I can still be one of the top ten favorite writers here at the almanac. May this go on until my beard reaches 50 kilograms!
Good luck with that. I know you have grown your curly mane shoulder-length, for that was how you looked when I first met you a hundred years or so ago, that's easy enough when you're a kid; but growing a beard requires some real age over the age of 23, (before that, unless your testosterone is over the top, they're just chin whiskers) daily facial massage, not to mention specialty hair-products, brushes and balms, for the rest of your life -- or length of your beard. Your choice. Good luck, eh.
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ReplyDeleteYou are continuing the new year in fine form. Since the average almanac reader cannot figure out how to leave a comment, we here at Almanac Hdqts. were inundated with calls demanding we do whatever it took to keep you in your Tuesday stall. So speaking for your fans we thank you.