The Littles Have Their Say

Hello and welcome to a brisk Saturday (that's northerner speak for cold) here at the Wannaskan Almanac. Today is September 5th, i.e. the first Saturday of September. Welcome to fall, folks.

This is our LAST Saturday before school starts. And how are we feeling at our house? Well, the littles seem to be looking forward to the upgrade. The Second Grader begins 3rd grade on Tuesday. This past week, she had an opportunity to meet her two main teachers and check out her classrooms and locker. She is looking forward to snack time and is ready to kick it off with a big, blue box of Welch's fruit snacks. She also thinks science class might be neat and wonders if she'll get to blow up a volcano. A real one would be nice, she said. Gym time is always a winner.

The Toddler, excuse me Big Boy, wonders if Kindergarten will be like Second Grade. He also got to see his classroom, which is actually last year's classroom with a new carpet and new teacher. 

I thought it would be fun to interview the littles for this post. Since I often write about them, how about let them have their say? Well, they have just invented a game called The Apple War, which the now Third Grader explained, "First we eat the apples and then we throw them at each other." Her little brother repeated what she said and out the door they went.

Instead, I'll spend a few minutes reflecting on another interview. On September 1st, I listened to How the pandemic is squeezing women out of their jobs — maybe for good on Minnesota Public Radio. The show notes share, "In February, right before the pandemic closed down the United States, women made up more than half the nation’s civilian, nonfarm labor force. The gender wage gap was also at its most narrow, with women making 81-cents for every dollar men make. But the pandemic has wiped out nearly all of women’s gains in the workforce over the last decade, leading some economists to call the current crisis a “she-cession.”

The radio host, guests, and callers went on to explain, explore and discuss the family juggle - a woman's juggle - to manage a job and/or career with raising a family. In short, women are feeling the pinch. How can they continue to work and manage the family? While the squeeze of the pandemic forces families and society to consider these questions - they are not surprising or unusual questions. This has always been the feminine predicament. If anything, the pandemic has served to shine a light, not on the answers, but on the persistent, unanswerability of these age-old questions. 

Twenty years ago, as a young American woman, I often wondered what my job would be, where my career path would take me, and how a family would fit into it all. I heard society's message loud and clear: "Work, girls. You can, so do it." But family? No, no messages about that one. Finding your true love? Marrying the love of my life? Check. Managing a job and household? Crickets.

If my today's self could go back and talk to my 23-year-old self, she would say, "Hey, listen. Guess what? You're actually not going to have much of a career. Instead, you'll live at the end of the Earth and have five kids who you'll put way more time into than any career you ever imagined." That 23-year-old would be dubious and cynical and utterly incredulous. "No way," she'd say. "I'm going to travel abroad and meet amazing people. I'm going to have some kind of career in which I make a positive contribution to the world. On the international stage! There's no way I'm going to settle down in small town Minnesota. And maybe I'd have two kids MAX. But five? Pa-shaw."

My wiser self would counter, "Oh, you'll still travel, all right, and yes, you will marry someone from another country. And you absolutely will meet amazing people. And you will make a positive contribution to the world - only it's not what you think it's going to be. Heck, even I don't know what it is yet..." She'll pause and let that soak in. Then add: "...and then you're going to settle down in small town Minnesota, have five kids and carve a career path for yourself that you could never have imagined."

Because that's how it happened. How it has happened and how it is happening.

Believe me when I tell you: This is not how I thought my life would go.

Someday I will share a fuller version of the story of how I got to where I am today in my work life/mothering balance, but for now, simply put, raising a family hogs the whole front seat of my dream Cabriolet while working sits in a booster in the back, along for the ride, waiting for its turn when it will be tall enough and weigh enough to call shotgun.

While traveling this totally unforeseen path, I have learned a few things, two of which I think are most relevant to the topic of the working mom.

1. Supermom doesn't exist.

2. You can't do it all.

Supermoms. Gosh, I wish I was one. I really do. I have several friends for which I have profound admiration because they genuinely appear to have their act together, swirling and twirling through all the busy, with a cuppa in one hand and a smile on their faces. I adore these moms. Once, I remember telling my husband about one such seemingly "supermom" friend - how her kids were so brilliant and nice and her house was so clean. (The cleaning part really impressed me, you know.) And he said, "People are always cutting corners. You just don't see which ones she's cutting." Sure enough, one day when I professed my awe at her ability, this friend's eyes bugged and she exclaimed, "Who me?!" From there, she went on to reveal all the rounded corners in her otherwise nicely squared household.

It gave me pause to reflect on the corners I cut at my house. Aside from the dusting, the biggest cut corner has been a career. Having a house full of toddlers in our early years, daycare didn't seem cost-effective, so I stayed home. Pretty much from the very first breath The Oldest (now a college student!) took upon entering this world back in Czech Republic, we have only ever lived on one income. It's an odd blessing, to say we were fortunate to never experience the ebb of a double income to a single stream.

How does a woman living at the end of the earth make a career if she's staying home to manage the offspring? For me, it meant the start of my little writing business. And I emphasize the "little." You can guess why.

And so, when I heard this MPR interview this past week, I felt wave after wave of sympathy to the women calling in talking about the hard questions they are faced with: Where will I find daycare? How will I afford daycare? How will I be able to do my job well while working from home and manage distance learning? Should I just leave my job? And if so, how will I pay the mortgage?

I feel for these women. My heart feels for all of the women who have been asked or forced, furloughed or fired. This circus act of life is a 24-7 gig and especially now, it feels like there's no room to breathe. Ladies, I feel for you. Truly.

I wish I had more to offer than this. I wish I had time to stretch your days into more hours. I wish I had money to place in your hands to pay your bills. I wish I could bless you with free housekeeping. I wish, I wish. 

I gave up the myth of Supermom. I cut the corners. And if I can find just one silver lining in all of this it is that I have found that less is more.

 

I don't have a fabulous career. I'm not playing on a world stage (although my future self tells me I will). My clothes are worn out and there are more free t-shirts in my wardrobe than items I have actually purchased. We rarely eat out. Yes, we have four cars, but if you saw them, you'd laugh.

The balancing act, the secret formula, or whatever it is that makes a woman both a respected worker and a valued mother has yet to be figured out. I certainly haven't figured it out. And if anyone does have the recipe of this success, please share it in the comments or send me an email. I am all ears.

And now I better head outside. The littles have made the garage their new home.

On This Day

Historic Highlights (credits)

1977 - Voyager 1 probe is launched

NASA launched the Voyager 1 probe from Florida. It is currently the farthest man-made object in Space.

1972 - Massacre at the Munich Olympics

A group of Palestinian militants belonging to the Black September terrorist group stormed the apartment Israeli athletes were staying at the Olympic Village in Munich, Germany several days after the XX Olympic Summer Games had begun. They killed 2 athletes and took 9 hostages, demanding the release of over 230 Arab prisoners being held in Israel. The ensuing violence to release the hostages ended with the death of all 9 hostages and 5 militants. All Olympic events were suspended for a day to mourn and pay respects to the slain members of the Israeli delegation.

1957 - On the Road Hits the Bookshelves for the First Time

The iconic book was written by American author Jack Kerouac and was based on his and his friends’ travels across America. The book is considered to be a prime example of the Beat Generation – a group of authors and artists who examined and studied American culture after the Second World War.

1944 - Benelux is Formed

The political and economic union consists of 3 countries - Belgium, Netherlands, and Luxemburg. The name comes from joining the first 2 letters, 3 in the case of Luxemburg of the member countries.

1836 - Sam Houston is Elected President of Texas

He was made the Head of State of the Republic of Texas after colonists won their revolt against the Mexican government and created an independent and sovereign nation. Houston was responsible for the Texian victory against Mexican forces during the Battle of San Jacinto. Houston was elected president of the Republic of Texas twice and was also the only person to be governor of two different states - Texas and Tennessee.

Happy Birthday to You!🎶 

1986 - Colt McCoy, American football player

1946 - Freddie Mercury, Tanzanian/English singer-songwriter, producer

1942 - Werner Herzog, German director

1847 - Jesse James, American criminal, murderer

1638 - Louis XIV of France

Remembering You

1997 - Mother Teresa, Macedonian/Indian missionary, Nobel Prize laureate

1997 - Georg Solti, Hungarian conductor

1982 - Douglas Bader, English pilot

1945 - Clem Hill, Australian cricketer

1877 - Crazy Horse, Native American war leader

Make it a great Saturday!

Kim