Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 6

Checkout Control Center Named For Store Employee 

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently noticed his longtime self-checkout assistant had not been in his usual place. "I always use self-checkout because I hate waiting in line," McDonnell tells the press, "though I question whether I'm saving any time, because I invariably do something that locks my screen and triggers the flashing yellow light over my checkout station. Most of the time it's Leon who fixes my problem. Over the years I've gotten to know Leon, a short, trim man who used to drive semis, has a summer place at the lake and lives in the trailer park next to the store. I haven’t seen Leon lately and Justin, another asssitant, told me Leon had retired and moved out west with his son. I asked Justin if Leon had quit because he didn't like the newly installed control center screen on which assistants  can now fix problems without dealing directly with the customers. The screen sits on a stand and resembles a pulpit. Justin said Leon had left before the pulpit was installed. 'In tribute we call the screen and stand "Leon,"' he said."

Man Switches Out Silverware Caddy

Joe McDonnell, 78 and someone who likes to wear things out, recently switched out his long term silverware caddy. "We don't have a dishwasher," McDonnell tells reporters, "so our drain rack and accouterments are important to us. We had been using a freestanding round, white silverware caddy with an interior drain floor. After several years the caddy built up unsightly rust stains. We began the search for a non-metallic caddy. None were available locally, so we ordered from an online retailer. The new caddy took some getting used to. It's squarish, black, and made of plastic. I soon came to appreciate the small spout at the bottom that allowed the unit to be picked up and drained into the sink." In a later email McDonnell said he was unable to find an alternative use for the old caddy. "It will be taken to the metal recycling center on our next trip," he said.

Squib Cellar

I read the news the way I used to read the sports - to see if my team is up or down. 

AI can be ridiculous but we won’t be laughing when it reverse engineers the Big Bang. 

If I have to go live in the Home, I’ll rent a storage unit, pack a thermos, and drive my chair there on early spring mornings. Then I’ll throw open the door and bask among my trophies and tchotchkes. 

We cannot know God, but we can know ourselves, which is what we need to do good and avoid evil. 

Once everyone worked at home.

The car made it possible to work anywhere. 

The internet made it possible to work at home again.

AI will make it possible to not work at all.

The world may seem dark and claustrophobic, but God is planning a great fiesta for us. We’re just awaiting God’s last big whack to this earthen piñata. 

If we could ignore our internal monologue for half an hour, we’d realize how wondrously made we are...notwithstanding our feet of clay.