Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 8

Man Creates Healthy Snack

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, recently developed a unique snack with all healthy ingredients. "My wife likes nuts, cinnamon and honey on her oatmeal," McDonnell tells the press. "She also likes half a banana. The other morning as I was absentmindedly eating my half of the banana I notice the walnut crumbs on the cutting board and pressed the end of my banana onto the crumbs picking them up. The taste reminded me of a banana split without the ice cream, chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I sprinkled a little cinnamon over the nuts, but skipped the honey." McDonnell was asked if he was going to patent his idea. "No," he replied, "the world needs all the healthy snacks it can get right now."

Man Struggles With Air Compressor

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a shade tree mechanic, recently inflated a friend's tires to the correct pressure. McDonnell tells reporters, "I was visiting a friend the other day and he said a notice on his dashboard said that his tire pressure was low in all his tires. He used to take care of car maintenance himself but with the passing years, he now relies on the shop. He showed me his six tire pressure gauges. The first one gave an unlikely reading. The second one showed that the tries were indeed low by a few pounds. My friend plugged in his compact compressor and the dial said the pressure was building up but the air was going into the tires very slowly. There was a valve on the compressor for switching air from the compressor tank to the air hose on and off, but the handle on this valve was loose and we couldn't tell if the valve was fully open or not. By holding the air hose chuck firmly on the tire valve and checking the pressure frequently, we eventually got all four tires to the recommended pressure as stated on the sticker on the vehicle's front door jamb. We then had coffee and cookies to celebrate." In a later report McDonnell says he was glad the job took place in a semi-heated garage. "It would have meant cold hands outside," he says.

Squib Cellar

Those most eager for war are the first to complain when victory doesn’t come quickly. And they’re positively livid when their children are sent to the front. 

Nervous fliers swallow a little pill before take off. 

What kind of pill can we take before our final flight?

Those who grew up in the Catholic Church have three options: curse it, excuse it, or get it. 

Multitasking is great, though one of the tasks will be cleaning up all the messes that go with it. 

It's ok to psychoanalyze others as long as we realize we’re walking into hall of mirrors. 

When presented with the keys to the city, the person with low self-esteem wonders if the locks have been changed. 

Satori: insight in a flash

Satire: insult with a slash