Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 5

Man Sorts Out Coffee Names

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently learned how to order coffee in a foreign country. "When I first got overseas, I just pointed to what other people were getting," McDonnell tells the press. "It turned out to be espresso. My only objection to espresso is the tininess of the cup. The locals can nurse an espresso for two hours. Not me. Café Americano was on the menu. I feared it would have cream and sugar, but it turned out to be an espresso with extra hot water. That's what I wanted. The next restaurant did not have Americano. An ex-pat next to me said, 'Order a café allongé. It's basically the same as an Americano'." In a follow-up report, McDonnell says the allongé is actually better than the Americano. "Ordering it makes me feel less like a tourist.

Man Keeps Low Profile on Plane

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a world traveler, recently traveled between two foreign countries on a jet belonging to one of those countries. "We hadn't worried about keeping a low profile when we boarded the plane," McDonnell tells reporters, "but as soon as we took off, the captain started reporting the score of a hockey game between our country's team and the team most of the people on the plane supported. The game was very important to the people on the plane. It was for a gold medal. Our team scored first and we were careful not to react. When the other team tied the score, there was cheering. In retrospect, we should have cheered too. The tension increased when the game went into overtime."McDonnell reported later that free champagne would have been served had the other team won. "After the game, everyone was too depressed to pay us any mind," he said.

Squib Cellar

Far from being a drag on the economy, the elderly are pouring their 401-Ks into the health care industry, which is being staffed by their grandchildren.

Dancing teaches us how to cooperate with gravity so when we're old we don’t fall down the stairs.

The characters in our dreams are supposedly projections of ourselves, which explains why they’re so zombie-like. 

The passive person rides a merry-go-round horse until he realizes it's the world that's moving and not him. Then he gets off the horse and takes his chances in the staggering world.

We fear AI knows all about us. 

Throw it some red herrings: 

Hate travel? Search for tours to Hungary. 

Are you a Shakespeare lover? Ask for romance novel suggestions. 

Vikings fan? Ask AI if the Twins will win the World Series. 

God help the boring person who isn’t at least funny or pretty. 

Justifying yourself to your spouse is the ultimate TMI