Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 2 Number 9

Man Expands Compost Storage

Joe McDonnell. 79 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently discovered a method to get more food scraps into his kitchen counter compost bin. "Once the bin is full," McDonnell tells reporters, "my wife or I carry the bin to the big compost bins near the garden. I noticed recently that if I happened to leave fruit or vegetable skins on the counter overnight, they shriveled up by morning. One morning I weighed a fresh banana skin: 75 grams. Twenty four hours later the skin weighed 52 grams. That's a 27.8% weight loss. I theorized that I could get a lot more in my bin if I let everything dry out for a day before putting it into the covered bin." McDonnell thinks he probably won’t do that. "The purpose of the bin is to keep the counter tidy," he says. In a follow up communication McDonnell says he calculated that the inedible skin of the test banana made up 37.6% of the banana's weight. "We'll recoup some that by growing vegetables with the composted food waste," he says.

Man Recovers Valuable Tool

Joe McDonnell, 79 and well known for his powers of observation, recently recovered an item he had borrowed from a friend. "My friend has been helping me build a cabin," McDonnell tells reporters, "but when winter set in he said he'd be back in the spring. He left most of the tools he had brought inside the unfinished cabin. I moved some of the more valuable tools into my heated workshop. As spring approached, I decided to gather all his tools together but couldn't find my friend's circular saw. I was sure I had moved the saw into the workshop but after a thorough search I could not find it. I walked .15 miles out to the cabin site. No saw. I searched the garage and all my storage sheds just in case I had absentmindedly moved the saw to one of them. Finally I followed my gut back to the workshop. I was sure it was there. Under a table and tucked in by the wall I saw a heavy duty grocery bag that I use to carry things to the building site and back, and inside the bag was the saw." In a follow up email, McDonnell says he read once that if you say the name of the thing you're looking for it helps you focus, but in this case he learned the technique is worthless if the the missing object is hidden inside a bag.

Squib Cellar 

The Irish exit is when a person leaves a party without saying goodbye. 

Perhaps the person doesn’t want to see his friends’ sorrow when he leaves. 

Or he may just be in a hurry to get to the next pub. 

The two hardest to bear facts about my funeral: 

1. I won’t be there

2. Several of the mourners will only be there for the lunch. 

Once a month check the area between your car seats and the center console to retrieve long lost items. 

Greek, the language of precision, is still used for scientific terms, while Latin, the language of loopholes, is favored by the legal profession. 

Unghosting someone may be more unpleasant for them than our original disappearance. 

It’s actually Jesus’ Third Coming we’re awaiting. 

He was born a second time in Stratford-Upon-Avon in 1564. 

He came not to judge but to entertain us. 

I can handle someone throwing shade on me as long as it’s not the shade that comes from being thrown under the bus. 

Having plateaued is not as bad as having Death Vallied.