Hibernation

Hello and welcome to the last Saturday in February, here at the Wannaskan Almanac. Can I get an "Amen?"

I'm thanking the good Lord above that February is a few days short of a regular month, because UFFDA. What started out as a promising month took a sharp left turn into a malaise that hung on and just wouldn't quit. 

I've been working on intentional self care for over a year now, so when the sniffles first started, I wasn't concerned. I'm super healthy - or rather, I practice super healthy habits - so I thought that I'd endure a few days of a stuffy nose then be on my merry way. Well, that didn't happen. The stuffy nose lasted about a week. What lingered was an excruciating fatigue and brain fog.

Have you ever had to drive even though you were so exhausted that you shouldn't have, but had to, because you needed to get to your final destination? Your eyelids are slamming shut, and you're barely conscious while holding the wheel? When I've been in those times, I always recall a friend telling me that driving fatigued is similar to driving intoxicated. (PSA: If you're ever in this state, just pull over and sleep. Even ten minutes will take the edge off.) It's a unique kind of pain. That's been my physical and mental state for the last half of February.

Probably since the pandemic, I've been aware that I hit a sort of emotional skid in the January-February-March phase of winter. Hence, the effort regarding healthy habits. I'm a pretty upbeat person, so it makes me intellectually curious about the dip I experience. Is it caused by too much cold? Too much darkness? Too much stay-inside-ness?  I'll say upfront that I balk at, and skulk from, the term seasonal depression. Yet, I acknowledge that I experience a certain not-okay-ness that I'm not entirely sure I can attribute to a physical illness like a cold, flu, a virus, or whatever illness-of-the-month that's going around.

Since I could breathe again, and I didn't have a fever, a cough, or any aches, I prescribed myself rest. My husband took the load off by preparing all the meals and taking care of the bulk of the kid-related responsibilities while I intentionally rested. This was sometimes sleep, but it was also closed eyes and a state of stillness while still conscious. Sometimes it was reading or listening to a podcast. Many times it was sitting with my family, enjoying them while they watched the SCI channel and Vinnetou movies dubbed in Czech. A few times, it was pulling the hood of my Laketrails hoodie sweatshirt over my eyes, curling up, and resting my head on my husband's shoulder. I maximized all this resting-on-purpose time outside of my regular work hours and extra-curricular responsibilities.

Finally, in the latter half of this past week, the clouds lifted.

I woke up Thursday, and again on Friday, feeling renewed and restored. Rejuvenated. The energetic bounce in my step returned. My rockstar/superwoman feelings and energy were back.

I've remarked a few times recently that winter is my favorite season. I genuinely do enjoy the cold. A bright blue sky against a landscape of bright white snow lifts my spirits. A warm, bundled body against a bit of icy wind invigorates. But, I think, too, that it's also a period of permission for rest. Hibernation has a biological function for many animals, but I think, perhaps, it has its purpose for humans, too.