Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 42

Man Extends Sewer Vent Tee

Joe McDonnell, 78 and  residing in Palmville TWP, Minnesota, recently had his sewer pipe tee extended. "Every toilet in a house has a vent to prevent sewer gas from entering the house," McDonnell tells the press. "During the winter ice can form in the vent allowing gas to enter the house. The tee consists of a 3' long copper pipe that goes in the vent with a 4” pipe on top (forming a tee) which prevents the 3' pipe from dropping into the vent. My tee and vent pipe froze up last winter so I brought it to the local hardware to have an extension put on the 3' pipe which would in theory reach warmer air to prevent freeze up. I told the clerk I was going on a six week trip. 'No problem,' she said. When I returned to the store the other day, the clerk, a different clerk this time, gave me a blank look. We went into the back room and I found my pipe. The clerk immediately soldered on an extension." McDonnell says the clerk's blank expression reminded him of the giant in The Hobbit who turned to stone when he was caught out of his cave by the rising sun. "'She never told me,' the clerk said, once he regained his senses."

Man Gets Taste of Gulag

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a fan of subdued lighting, recently had an intense beam of light directed inside his house. "We have a group of hunters staying in our guest house which is 137' from the Big House," McDonnell tells reporters. "They leave well before first light to drive to their hunting land and return after dark. There's no Wi-Fi in the guest house and they don't have cell service there so we don't communicate frequently. A couple of mornings into their stay, I was sitting in my breakfast nook sipping tea when the room was lit up by the high beam LED lights from one of the hunter's trucks. I assumed he would drive away soon but as the minutes ticked by I pictured him taking care of one more thing in the guest house. Later that morning when I knew he would have service, I texted asking that he park his truck pointing away from our house, which he has done since." In a follow-up email McDonnell says when the lights first lit up his nook, he had a flash of men in masks banging on the door. 'All grandchildren of immigrants are being sent back!' the men barked. I told them my grandparents had come in legally, but they wanted to see the paperwork. "The vision passed quickly," McDonnell adds "and I said to myself, Thank God we live in America."

Squib Cellar

AI is good at giving quick answers to simple questions. 

How long before it’s smothered in ads like the legacy sites?

Polls show only 7% of the world’s 1.3 billion Muslims would like to see the United States destroyed. Still, that’s 91 million people who are ok with chopping off my head, no questions asked. 

Top three sins of the bad host-

-Failing to greet their guests with a smile. 

-Neglecting to offer something to drink. 

-Not knowing their own home's Wi-Fi password.

When racists say North America, they mean everything north of the Rio Grande. 

Our thankfulness depends on our occupation. The carpenter thanks God for trees, the butcher for hoofed animals, and the astronomer that the nearest black hole is nine quadrillion miles away. 

The Israelites in the desert had their golden calf.  

We have AI.