Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 43

Man Bids Ice-maker Adieu

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently removed the ice maker from his refrigerator. "When we bought the fridge in 2000, the ice maker seemed like a great option. But I soon came to resent all the room it took up just for the convenience of having ice at the push of a button. When the ice maker quit working I pulled out the ice bin and gained a cubic foot of space. That's huge in a side-by-side freezer like ours. My only concern is that if the ice maker should start working again, we would have a mess.  I plan to pull out the fridge and find the water shut off valve." When asked if he misses having lots of ready-made ice, McDonnell said, "Not yet. I bought four ice cube trays and set them next to the gallon jug of ice cream we never had room for before."

 

Man Thanks St Anthony

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a true believer, recently recovered a flashlight he had lost three months earlier. "I had been in our woods across the road setting up in the dark for an early morning picnic when I noticed my flashlight was missing," McDonnell tells reporters. "I should have been able to see it because it was turned on, but this was in August and the grass was waist high. I was expecting my guests any moment and didn't have time for a thorough search. It was an inexpensive light so I didn't feel too bad. Just this past Sunday I was talking to the friend who's been hunting in our woods about his luck hunting. As he walked away, he stopped and asked if I had lost a flashlight in the woods. He had seen something gleaming in the grass as he left his stand in the dark. Still shining after three months?! Inconceivable." In an interview McDonnell says he credited St. Anthony for helping find his light. "St Anthony may be slow, but he has always come through for me."

Squib Cellar

When a news source has the word Truth in its name, I get suspicious.

For example, the old Soviet newspaper Pravda.

I used to identify with Dorothy when she threw water on the witch. 

I now feel more like the witch when she says "I’m melting!"

Takeaways from the great revolutions

Agricultural: we don't have to hunt and gather; always on the verge of starvation.

Industrial: we don't have to tote barges and lift bales by hand all day.

Information: we're still coming to grips with this one.

The seven deadly sins are the appetites that will be divinized in heaven.

All religions resemble each other as the high point of various mountain ranges are all approached through dark valleys and narrow paths.

The best crowd for the comedian is the one that's always up for a laugh.

The tough crowd needs to be put in the mood.