Fractured History: November 4th’s Greatest Tidbits (If History Had a Sense of Humor)
History is serious business—wars, coronations, assassinations, shedau parties, and the occasional flood. But what if we gave November 4th a little comic relief? Here’s a look at what really happened on this day… or at least what might’ve happened if historical figures had questionable judgment and a flair for drama.
1922 – King Tut’s Tomb Discovered
Howard Carter stumbles upon the tomb of King Tutankhamun, proving once and for all that ancient Egyptians were better at interior design than modern minimalists. Legend says Carter’s first words were, “I see wonderful things,” but we suspect he actually said, “Is that gold-plated Tupperware?”
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| Tupperware is great for keeping those internal organs fresh |
1380 – Charles VI Crowned King of France at Age 11
Because nothing says “stable monarchy” like handing the keys to a hormonal preteen. Charles VI would later be known as “Charles the Mad,” which historians agree was either due to hereditary illness or the trauma of being forced to wear tights and rule a country before hitting puberty.
1429 – Joan of Arc Liberates Saint-Pierre-le-Moûtier
Joan of Arc, teenage warrior and part-time fire hazard, leads a siege and wins. Her strategy? Divine visions, a sword, and the kind of confidence only found in people who’ve never been told “no.” The town surrendered after realizing they were being outmaneuvered by someone who still believed in unicorns.
2001 – Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Premieres in London
The wizarding world officially enters pop culture, and millions of children begin waiting for Hogwarts letters that will never come. Meanwhile, British boarding schools experience a surge in applications from kids hoping to learn spells instead of Latin.
1783 – Mozart’s Symphony No. 36 Premieres
Mozart debuts his Symphony No. 36 in Linz, Austria, after writing it in just four days. Modern composers weep quietly into their coffee. The audience claps politely, unaware they’re witnessing the musical equivalent of a flex.
1333 – The Arno River Floods Florence
The Arno River decides Florence needs a bath. Chronicler Giovanni Villani records the damage, but we suspect he also added, “And my new boots were ruined. Curse you, nature.” Renaissance art takes a brief pause while everyone dries out their canvasses.
So there you have it—November 4th, as only Mr. Hot Coco could have researched. History may not always be pretty, but it’s rarely boring (no, seriously). And sometimes, when you squint just right, it’s downright hilarious.
ReplyDeleteEnlightening as usual.
I would add December 31, 2017--Founding of the Writers Almanac at a Shêdeau party. Several unsuspecting writers are kidnapped and forced by peer pressure to write a post every week. Sure, the money has been great, but still...