Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 29

Man Rises in the World Two Inches

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently welcomed a high rise toilet to his downstairs bathroom. "My sister-in-law had the same toilet installed a few months ago and we always seem to eventually follow her lead in these matters," McDonnell tells the press. "I suggested that instead of a new toilet, we get one of those foam collars you see in hospitals to raise the seat level but I ran into a brick wall with that idea. The old toilet had this problem that you had to lift the handle after flushing to make the water quit running." McDonnell reports that he had put a note on top of the tank asking people to lift the handle and that most people complied. "I took the note away once the new toilet was in place," he confirms. 

Man Makes Pyramid Bread

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a bread historian, recently made a loaf of bread identical to those baked in the second millennium BC. "Like a lot of discoveries, it was the result of an accident," McDonnell tells reporters. "I had made pizza dough in the morning then put it in the fridge for a slow fermentation rise. In the evening I popped the dough in the oven which I turned on for a minute to warm the dough up a bit before rolling it out. As I rested on the couch, my wife informed me that the oven was still on. I quickly made a new pizza dough as supper time approached. I hated to throw away the somewhat damaged dough, so after the pizza was done I baked the dough in a bread pan." In a written report, McDonnell says the dough failed to puff up like modern bread, but that thinly sliced it was tasty with jam. "This is the kind of bread that built the pyramids," he adds.

Squib Cellar

My GPS tells me distance to destination, time to destination and arrival time. Only the first is solid. The other two are as mutable as time itself. 

We can ignore our virtues the way we ignore our smoothly running car engine. But when we do some wrong, when the engine misfires or the wheel comes off, then we must do something other than turn up the radio. 

There are many three-walled mansions in the Father’s house. Our lives build the fourth wall. 

 

The road from A to B is straightforward. It’s on detours Aa, Ab, and Ac that trouble arises. 

God has been having a fabulous popup sale, but it’s been going on so long I take it for granted. 

My interior life is a museum with explanatory cards but no actual exhibits. 

Mowers along the highway push back the forest as civilization keeps chaos at bay.