Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 28

Man Reassures Pewmates

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently assured people sitting beside him at a funeral that he did not have a skin disease. “I’ve been painting the garage this week and as I settled into the pew at the funeral, I noticed there was white paint on the back of my left hand, “McDonnell tells the press.” The story of Jesus healing the lepers is not often read at funerals, but just in case, I told the people beside me I had been painting. One of my listeners said she had once neglected to stir the paint before starting a project and all 12 of her window frames had dried different colors. I had always wondered what would happen if you didn’t stir the paint. Now I know.”

Man Acquires Large Piece of Cardboard

Joe McDonnell, 78 and always wanting to keep his work area neat, recently acquired a large piece of cardboard. “I have learned no matter how careful I am, drops of paint will always land where I don’t want them,” McDonnell tells reporters. “I have dedicated painting clothes and tarps and I spread newspaper below the work area. But newspapers blow around so I was delighted to find a large, flat piece of cardboard at a local charity where I was helping to clean up. I was told to put the cardboard in the recycling pile, but I put it in the back of our SUV instead. It blocked the view out the back, but we made it home without incident.”

Squib Cellar 

The new Underground Railroad spirits deported migrants beck to their American homes. 

Some people don’t respond to your texts, emails or voice mails, but when you run into them, they give you a big hug. 

So you don’t delete them.  

I sneer at AI when it can’t find what I’m looking for, till I realize I’ve misspelled my search keyword. 

I can’t bring myself to apologize to AI, but I am chastened. 

Take the blame when something goes  wrong. After the investigation you’ll look good, presuming you haven’t been fired. 

Never pair up with the co-worker who never gets hungry. 

Money is a byproduct of love as manure is a byproduct of food. 

Kennedy, facing the enemy in Berlin, said "Ich bin ein Berliner". So we too say, I am gay, I am a Jew, I am a person of color.