You might not have heard it on the news, but it is Wannaska's favorite holiday today! Welcome to jokes with puns as the punchline day, celebrated every now and then here at the Wannaskan Almanac!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
A man just hit me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.
I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I will be okay, but I feel like I have dyed inside.
I really like whiteboards. I find them re-markable.
I am reading a Braille horror story. Something bad is about to happen...I can feel it.
Things got a little tense after the future, the present, and the past walked into a bar.
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
E-Bay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and it gave me 13,749 matches.
So long boiled water. You will be mist.
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… it was just collecting dust.
A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
For Halloween we dressed up as cashews. Everyone thought we were nuts.
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| God Bless you nuts! |
The other day at school I was enjoying a bag of cashews. Not eating them, mind you, but just asking kids what they were. Whenever they would say cashews, I would say gesundheit. Then I would explain what gesundheit meant. If you don't know, it literally means health (or healthy)-hood. A more meaningful translation would be that it is wishing the person who sneezed good health. I guess it is kind of like wishing someone "happy landings" after their parachute failed to open.
According to the latest stats there have been 9 people who have survived jumping out of a plane with a malfunctioning parachute. The person who fell the furthest was Vesna Vulović. In 1972 she survived after the plane she was working on as a flight attendant was blown up by a bomb. She fell 33,000 feet! In 1977 she married Nikola Breka. According to Nikola, he fell hard for her. Not as hard as she fell back in 1972 though! Sadly she passed away at age 66 in 2016. You can read more about her here.
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| Survived 33,000 foot fall |
Fall is almost over. Winter begins on Wednesday, December 21 this year. By then the white stuff should be covering the ground and the Roseau River will be frozen over. Shedau patrons will soon be hiking the frozen river in search of the fabled Wannaskan Hare Monster, a giant white rabbit that looks remarkably like a bearded man wearing snowshoes.
With that last bit of rambling I will leave you. Until we meet again next week, gesundheit!
ReplyDeleteGod Ah Bless Choo!