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Happy Birthday Guinness!

 




   I come not to praise Guinness, but to take you behind the scenes. Today is a big day in the history of Guinness, for it was on this day in 1759 that Arthur Guinness signed a 9,000 year lease on a disused brewery in Dublin. The 9,000 years thing is an example of Irish over-the-topism.

   At age 27 Arthur Guinness inherited £100 from his godfather and went out and bought a brewery west of Dublin. That brewery was a success, so a few years later in 1759 he bought the shuttered brewery at St. James Gate in Dublin and signed the famous lease. He made ales at first, but started on the new-fangled dark beers for which Guinness is famous in 1778. These were porters. The term "stout" was not used till the 1840s, long after Guinness senior was gone.

   So what is stout anyway? It's complicated, and I'm not going into the fine points here. It's enough to say that what's called stout today tastes nothing like those stouts of yesteryear. Tastes have changed over the centuries and Guinness has always looked sharp to change with them.

   Speaking of tastes, I tried without success for many years to interest my friend Steve Reynolds in Guinness. He'd choke down a pint to be friendly, but remained loyal to his 30 can packs of deer camp beer. So it was on a cold February eve sitting by the fire in a cozy pub in Kilkenny that the scales fell from Steve's palate. Everyone says Guinness is better in Ireland and it's true.

    Once back home, Steve became a connoisseur of stout. Guinness stout is sold in a couple of forms in the U.S. Steve believes the "Extra Stout" version comes closest to what you get in Ireland. In an attempt to stay trendy, Guinness came out with a "Draft" version in a sleeker bottle and in tall cans. I personally cannot taste any difference, but Steve says the Extra Stout is his only man. He gets miffed if the bartender gives him a Draft instead of an Extra Stout. He never causes a scene, but a short lecture will ensue for the edification of the staff.

   To me, the Draft version is a gimmick. A small plastic ball is placed in the can or bottle which Guinness claims contains nitrogen. As the beer is poured into a glass, the classic creamy  head is supposedly replicated. That's well and good, but that little ball displaces a half an ounce of stout. Then Guinness started leaving that half ounce out of the Extra Stout bottles as well even though they put no nitrogen balls in the bottle. I cut my final tie to Guinness when they merged with a large British distiller and moved their headquarters to London. Blasphemy!

   Bonus Guinness joke: Paddy worked at the Guinness brewery, and one day he fell into the vat and drowned. Sean was sent to break the news to Paddy's wife Molly. "Ah, that's terrible," says Molly. "Can you tell me at least that he went quickly?" "No Molly, I can't do that. You see the poor fellow climbed out three times to use the gent's room."

"Guinness makes you hoarse."






Comments

  1. Who'da'thunk!
    As for G. being better in Ireland, I, too, can attest to that. After all, do the French export their finest wines?

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  2. Yes, I remember it well, sitting at a pub at an outdoor table in Madison Wisconsin after hitting all the highlights the city had to offer: like taking a guided tour of Frank Lloyd Wright's Taliesin Estate; walking the winding staircase to the top of the capitol building's rotunda; visiting the fantastic Olbrich Botanical Gardens such a feast for the senses! Climbing to the top of Frank Lloyd Wright's Monona Terrace and viewing the waterfront of Lake Monona; embracing a moment of sun worship on the University of Wisconsin's Memorial Union Terrace.

    Catching our breath, we continued on: absorbing the vibes at the Chazen Museum of Art including seeing works by the conceptual artist and architect Shusaku Arakawa, quite feckin' inspiring ... as was the Madison Museum of Contemporary Art. Joe is insatiable when it comes to art appreciation, I learned. Unbelievable.

    Off we sped to the Henry Vilas Zoo. If you can't see a wildebeest anywhere else, don't miss Henry's herd; top of the line beesties there, I tell you. It's been awhile now, I know, but maybe check it out on-line before you go. You'll be glad you took it it (Don't feed or tease the animals ...) Next on the list was the Arboretum and Geology Museum, it felt like home and so much so with its tallgrass prairie exhibits and world famous lilac collection. I suggested we go to it and to my great surprise Joe knew all about it; quite the flora and fauna aficionado. He knows all the proper names and Latin terms; Catholic school paid off in spades for that guy.

    Next stop was the award-winning Wisconsin Veterans Museum. It had a rebuilt Sopwith Camel British First World War single-seat biplane fighter that was introduced on the Western Front in 1917. Totally worth seeing for that piece of history alone! The work that went into that piece alone, my stars! Although we were getting mighty thirsty, we opted to go to House on the Rock. "Perched high atop an outcropping of Deer Shelter Rock, this sprawling site contains more than 3,200 windows." Who washes them? I wondered. Well, that sent me over the edge although the sites we did visit were wondrous; I asked Joe if he knew of a place where we could grab a beer. I was scorched.

    "Hey, you gotta try this Irish beer called Guinness Draught beer on tap," Joe sez. Well, the man exhausted himself driving all over Madison to show me the big city (I don't get out much), so who am I to not take him up on it, eh?
    "Hell yes, Joe. Let's have a Guinness den eh," I said thirsty as hell. "Let's do 'er up right. Gimme a frosted yard of the stuff, brother!"

    And I tipped 'er back agin' me lips, me mustache frothed in its thick white head --- then spit it clean to the street, my eye balls bulging like I'd been busted agin the back of me head with a Beetle mallet !!

    That's the last time I ever stepped in Madison.

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