Crispy Mary

 

   When I see that something in the past related to the Tudors happened on this day in history, I hop right on it. The Tudors provide such a beautiful example of why one man or one woman rule is a bad idea. On this day in 1553, Mary, daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon, was crowned Queen of England.

   King Henry had gone to extraordinary lengths to make sure this could never happen; beheading wives and councilors here, insulting popes and trashing churches there. He changed the rules to suit his needs and sold church lands cheap to his rich supporters. And yet, here was his daughter Mary sitting on the throne, the first woman queen of England since the Empress Matilda back in 1141.

   With well-timed annulments and beheadings, Henry had found a wife (#3) who could give him a male heir. Unfortunately, this wife died before she could give him a spare heir. When Henry died in 1547, his son became King Edward VI at the age of nine. On his deathbed at age 15, Edward wrote a will removing his half-sisters Mary and Elizabeth from the line of succession. Elizabeth, you'll remember, was the daughter of Anne Boleyn. Mary was Catholic and Edward feared she would undo his father's work if she became queen.

   Mary and Elizabeth were considered illegitimate and so not eligible to sit on the throne. Before he died Edward suggested his cousin Lady Jane Grey to succeed him. Lady Jane had just gotten married and had no interest in the job, but the Privy Council, the aldermen of London, and several dozen bishops, peers, and judges said she had to do it.

   But when Edward died, and the bigwigs saw there was more support for Mary than for Jane, they ditched Jane and supported Mary. Jane was tried for treason, but Mary decided to spare her from the chopping block. Some of Jane's supporters started an ill-fated rebellion and so Jane had to go. She was beheaded at the age of 17.

   Most of the people of England had not been happy when Henry VIII threw out the cozy old Catholic Church and replaced it with a more austere version of the Good News. Mary set right to work doing what  Edward feared she would. Mary was very popular at first, until she married Prince Phillip of Spain. Mary undid her fathers religious laws and reconciled England with the pope. She said Protestants were free to worship as they pleased, but new heresy laws sent close to 300 Protestant churchmen to be burned at the stake.

   There were some minor revolts against Mary, but she held onto her throne until her death in 1558 at the age of 42. Since she and Prince Phillip had failed to produce a male heir, her sister Elizabeth became Queen. Elizabeth put England back on the Protestant track. This aroused deadly opposition, but Elizabeth had her mother's cunning and her father's ruthlessness and her opponents were soon scattered as would be the ships of the Spanish Armada a few years later

   We Americans have learned the lessons of history. Democracy does not prevent us from electing a doofus as president, but at least it's our doofus. Beheadings are rare now and, if you'll give me leave to make a pun, we're more apt to burn steaks than stakes.

You bet we are not amused.