Please put down anything that is going to distract you and be prepared for the most life changing statement that you will ever read. I'll wait. Okay, I hope you are ready. Here it is. Men and women are different.
Maybe you already knew that. I am not talking about physical differences here, I am referring to mental differences. I found this out just recently. Women are learners. Men are doers. Women are circular. Men are linear.
Now before you write me off as a crackpot or start writing that really mean comment let me explain. I discovered all of this on a Saturday morning. We stopped by the grocery store and I found something that looked very interesting to me...Italian chestnuts. Right away I dropped them into the cart. My lovely wife gave me that look...you know the one...that look which, if translated into the English language would certainly be "You idiot!". I have seen that look a lot, but it isn't because I am not very bright. It is because I am a doer...not a learner.
I got these chestnuts home and immediately cracked one open. It was not good. I ended up spitting it out. It was as if it wasn't cooked. I retreated to my safe space and began to lament the fact that I had bought these devil nuts. I began to think about it. Was there something I was missing? Then I remembered that old Christmas song...chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your...is it nose or toes? Stay on task! I wandered out to get a candle and proceeded to hold a chestnut over top of it.
My rather uninventive wife decided a different strategy. She read the directions on the package. I admit that I would have gotten around to that, likely after starting a small fire in the kitchen. There, in black and white, it described putting the chestnuts on a cookie sheet and roasting them at 425 degrees in the oven. It even said how long they were supposed to be in there and what side needed to be up. You also learn that you need to cut an X into the bottom or they explode!
That is a big difference between a learner and a doer. A doer does it until they figure it out...and often times they don't figure it out, or figure it out wrong. Men, if you are honest you will have to admit that directions are only for when you have tried everything else. Women, generally, read through the directions and make informed attempts. Sadly that takes them too long and it often creates tension. It does at my house anyway.
The other big difference between us is the whole circular vs. linear thing. You see, I can tell my wife that so and so had a baby. It takes me like three seconds and I offer up all the information I have. Then I wait patiently as my wife plies me for more information. "How much did it weigh? What was the gender? What is the baby's name?" I scrunch up my face. I don't know any of those things. I already gave my linear statement. I don't know anything else.
My wife (and I assume all women) will tell a hundred seemingly unrelated details leading up to a statement. For example it might sound like this. "You remember Karen and Mark? They were the ones who got us that toaster for our wedding present...not the one we use but the one we sold at that garage sale. They have two kids already. The oldest one, Jeanie, is eight and the younger one, Heath, is six and we got a picture of them at Christmas. That was a cute picture. Do you remember it? It is on the fridge below that picture of you holding that fish. Anyway, they have been trying to have a baby for a couple of years now. They go to the doctor that we used to go to. Do you remember when you had that infection? They..."
By this time I have checked out. Sorry, but I was looking for the point about ten sentences ago! My darling wife realizes this and immediately summarizes for me. Thank God for her patience!
Sunrise in Wannaska today will be at 7:47. A 747 airliner's first flight was on February 9, 1969. This is also the same year that Bryan Adams got his first real six string.
Sunset in Wannaska today will be at 5:27. A 527 organization is a tax exempt organization under IRS rules. If you rearrange the letters of IRS you can make SIR...as in "Give me all your money, sir!"
February 5 is also National Weatherperson Day and Chocolate Fondue Day. Our weather service can be exactly right or completely wrong. There is no middle ground. I say they have a 60% chance of being right, but there is only a 25% chance of that. Chocolate Fondue, on the other hand, is never wrong!
Thanks for reading! Whether you think I am right or wrong about anything, feel free to comment below. It won't offend me!
Maybe you already knew that. I am not talking about physical differences here, I am referring to mental differences. I found this out just recently. Women are learners. Men are doers. Women are circular. Men are linear.
Now before you write me off as a crackpot or start writing that really mean comment let me explain. I discovered all of this on a Saturday morning. We stopped by the grocery store and I found something that looked very interesting to me...Italian chestnuts. Right away I dropped them into the cart. My lovely wife gave me that look...you know the one...that look which, if translated into the English language would certainly be "You idiot!". I have seen that look a lot, but it isn't because I am not very bright. It is because I am a doer...not a learner.
I got these chestnuts home and immediately cracked one open. It was not good. I ended up spitting it out. It was as if it wasn't cooked. I retreated to my safe space and began to lament the fact that I had bought these devil nuts. I began to think about it. Was there something I was missing? Then I remembered that old Christmas song...chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your...is it nose or toes? Stay on task! I wandered out to get a candle and proceeded to hold a chestnut over top of it.
My rather uninventive wife decided a different strategy. She read the directions on the package. I admit that I would have gotten around to that, likely after starting a small fire in the kitchen. There, in black and white, it described putting the chestnuts on a cookie sheet and roasting them at 425 degrees in the oven. It even said how long they were supposed to be in there and what side needed to be up. You also learn that you need to cut an X into the bottom or they explode!
That is a big difference between a learner and a doer. A doer does it until they figure it out...and often times they don't figure it out, or figure it out wrong. Men, if you are honest you will have to admit that directions are only for when you have tried everything else. Women, generally, read through the directions and make informed attempts. Sadly that takes them too long and it often creates tension. It does at my house anyway.
The other big difference between us is the whole circular vs. linear thing. You see, I can tell my wife that so and so had a baby. It takes me like three seconds and I offer up all the information I have. Then I wait patiently as my wife plies me for more information. "How much did it weigh? What was the gender? What is the baby's name?" I scrunch up my face. I don't know any of those things. I already gave my linear statement. I don't know anything else.
My wife (and I assume all women) will tell a hundred seemingly unrelated details leading up to a statement. For example it might sound like this. "You remember Karen and Mark? They were the ones who got us that toaster for our wedding present...not the one we use but the one we sold at that garage sale. They have two kids already. The oldest one, Jeanie, is eight and the younger one, Heath, is six and we got a picture of them at Christmas. That was a cute picture. Do you remember it? It is on the fridge below that picture of you holding that fish. Anyway, they have been trying to have a baby for a couple of years now. They go to the doctor that we used to go to. Do you remember when you had that infection? They..."
By this time I have checked out. Sorry, but I was looking for the point about ten sentences ago! My darling wife realizes this and immediately summarizes for me. Thank God for her patience!
Sunrise in Wannaska today will be at 7:47. A 747 airliner's first flight was on February 9, 1969. This is also the same year that Bryan Adams got his first real six string.
Sunset in Wannaska today will be at 5:27. A 527 organization is a tax exempt organization under IRS rules. If you rearrange the letters of IRS you can make SIR...as in "Give me all your money, sir!"
February 5 is also National Weatherperson Day and Chocolate Fondue Day. Our weather service can be exactly right or completely wrong. There is no middle ground. I say they have a 60% chance of being right, but there is only a 25% chance of that. Chocolate Fondue, on the other hand, is never wrong!
Thanks for reading! Whether you think I am right or wrong about anything, feel free to comment below. It won't offend me!
No, no, no offense offered--this time. I'm in agreement with you 400% (or more, didn't want to exaggerate) that men and women are different just like you say, although my wife tends to want me to "Just get to the point ..." or requests that I just say "yes" or "no' instead of explaining why--in liberal descriptive terms. I mean, sometimes simplicity is best, I get it, but other times the details are in the pudding, if you know what I'm saying, or--you can't put a puzzle together without all the pieces--the result doesn't look anything like the box cover. It may not be necessary to cross all your t's or dot all your i's but it does tend to help translation, as in the case of two words: celebrate and celibate---or not. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteAs far as women being learners and men doers, I'm sure my wife is convinced I do neither. She sends me to the grocery store to do something, and when I come back without the object, she comments that I haven't learned to cross things out on the list--and when I say I did, she says "But did you look on the back of the list? You never learn!" Well of course not, I'm not a woman. I'm a man. Geesh." This isn't rocket science.
Imaginary readers wonder where your safe place is.
ReplyDeleteFor a balance meal, add cheese to your fondue menu plan: https://fondue.wiki/recipe/fondue-chestnuts/
Otherwise, men are always men, except when they're not. The same goes for women. Babies, on the other hand, are always babies.