Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 27

Man Partakes of Death March 

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, recently went on a long ride through a nearby forest. "It ended up being a bit of a death march," McDonnell tells reporters. "A death march is an event which sounds like fun and is fun until you reach the point of no return at which point you wish you were home. The forest is crisscrossed by a web of gravel roads and old logging trails. The ride was sponsored by the Forest Historical Society. Two of the stops I already knew about, but the third was new to me so that was good. Also, there was free food at the stops. The woods were interesting to look at but soon took on the sameness of those revolving scenery screens used in the early days of movies. After five hours in an All Terrain Vehicle, I was in my own car headed home where I would soon resemble a potato on a couch." When asked if he'd do it again McDonnell says yes. "Mainly to be polite,” he adds.

Funnel Cake Adventure 

Joe McDonnell, 78 and always trying to be helpful, recently bought a funnel cake at the County Fair for his brother-in-law who hates the Fair but loves funnel cakes. "My sIster-in-law who loves the Fair had tried to pick up a funnel cake for her husband on Thursday, but the machine was broken and the rival funnel cake stand was unmanned," McDonnell tells the press. "I volunteered to pick up a cake the next day during my visit to the Fair. The machine was still broken but I was able to get a funnel cake at the rival stand which had raised its prices. My brother-in-law traditionally likes his funnel cakes plain but I didn't know that and his wife looked concerned when I told her I had ordered an apple topping." McDonnell reports that his brother-in-law cut the cake into small pieces right after supper. "He must not have minded the topping because he didn't leave anything on his plate," he adds.

Squib Cellar 

When your enemy is put in charge, your previously benign view of the government changes to feelings of fear and loathing. 

The Zen master can choose the day of his or her death.

Most of us stuff our desire to be done, knowing how angry certain people would be if we checked out too soon.

- ‘Ten hut!

- Now hear this!

- You were born in boot camp 

-You will die in boot camp 

- Company... fall out!

Our personality is made up of all our past selves. 

I’ve put many of mine in prison, but the guards are lax. 

In Heaven I don’t want to be me, I want to be God. 

I am tedious. God is tedious too. But God is also all the interesting stuff.

In my haste for enlightenment, I keep bumping into myself. 

Move, dammit! I say.

But I continue to stand there like a lump on a bog.