Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 25

Man Has Near Miss with Kimchi 

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently had to juggle restaurants to keep his party of seven together. "We had just introduced my nephew and his wife to my wife’s niece and her two sons,” McDonnell tells the press. "After a tour of my nephew's boat, we drove to a nearby town for lunch. The nephew suggested a bbq place he had heard was good. The niece said her boys would want burgers. When we arrived I saw that the bbq place ran a burger place across the street. It would be a shame for the boys to have to eat their burgers alone. All the tables for seven or even five in the bbq place were taken so we all had burgers in the burger place except me. I ordered a hot dog because it came with kimchi which I'd never had before. But my hot dog arrived bare. The waitress said kimchi was available ’on request’. Later she brought a small container of kimchi, but I had already covered my hot dog in mustard.” As the party broke up, McDonnell was asked for his opinion of kimchi. “The mustard dominated the kimchi so kimchi is still on my bucket list,” he told them. 

Man Has Mind Blown

Joe McDonnell, 78 and an amateur cosmologist, recently received his best answer yet to the question: how big is the universe? "I once asked my father how far the sky went up and he said, Forever," McDonnell tells reporters. "I asked AI the same question and AI said the observable universe is 93 billion light years in diameter. That means light from the edge of the universe has been traveling 46.5 billion years to reach us, presuming we are in the middle. The Universe is only 13.8 billion years old, but since the universe has been expanding so rapidly since the Big Bang, it takes longer and longer for the light from stars at the edge to reach us. In Aesop’s world, the edge of the universe is the hare scampering away and the speed of light is the tortoise bringing us the light from the stars at the edge. That blows my mind.” After more digging, McDonnell discovered AI’s figures applied only to the observable universe. “So my dad may be right after all,” he says. 

Squib Cellar 

Reddit is Wikipedia with a sense of humor. 

Awe lives between our trillions of busy cells and the trillions of burning stars. 

The Buddha taught us to be present to the moment. 

I’m learning to be present to the present distraction. 

We denigrate the pig for wallowing in a mudhole, but give him a pool of water and the pig will be as clean as you or me. And he’d never denigrate you or me if he caught us having a wallow. 

The News is Gossip, picked up in the gutter, dusted off, sobered up, and sent off into the new morning. 

As you tool around the LA freeways, don’t assume all the other drivers share your California vibe. There will be cranky easterners on the road as well as cut-your-head-off cowboys from the Gobi. So be careful who you cut off.